Here's your bucket. Feel free to spew what you like.
I have to disagree with Illegible's last post. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it reads as if we should embrace denial for those things that need to get out the most. And, is this not the forum for regurgitating the hardest to swallow of love's chicken bones?
I understand not wanting to let out certain things due to the reasons mentioned. However, I truly believe, that if you keep that all bottled up in you, you will occassionally find yourself bent over with the dry heaves, till one day it all comes out and your girlfreinds are having to hold your hair as you're face deep in the bowl.
So if you like, I'll go first.
Something I'm ashamed of:
When I was 15 I liked smoking pot. My "boyfriend" was a drug dealer (yep, just the kind of guy you really want). One night I was over at his house and we were getting stoned with his frineds. What I didn't know was that the joints were laced with coke. I didn't sleep the whole night. The next morning he wanted to have sex with me, but I bled everywhere. I miscarried my first child that day.
Something I don't want to remember:
I was in London visiting my now ex-affair for the first time, since we had met. We went to a bar for drinks. I put my drink down for a minute. Within 20 minutes I was living outside myself. There are huge gaps in my memory of that night. I remember feeling sick. I remember getting back to the hotel. I do not rememeber most of the night though, I do not remember passing out, nor do I remember the seizure I had. I do remember the hallucinations though. I don't believe that I was raped, but that was someone's intention. Some coward of a man drugged me, so he could rape me. I felt so violated. I need control. And not knowimg what exactly happened that night, and knowing that I was drugged, steals that control from me. I did go see my doctor. Thankfully, I did not get pregnant, AIDS, or any diseases.
Something, that if I think about it, it takes me back to where I started:
Go back and read just about all of my posts. Most of them are about a man who slept with my mother. I then spent the night with that man and I loved him. I think about him, dream about him, etc. I can't escape the memory of that night. And I wish I wouldn't love him at all.
Love is a cunt, but if you keep the really horrible stuff locked up, all you'll get is a yeast infection.
I understand not wanting to let out certain things due to the reasons mentioned. However, I truly believe, that if you keep that all bottled up in you, you will occassionally find yourself bent over with the dry heaves, till one day it all comes out and your girlfreinds are having to hold your hair as you're face deep in the bowl.
So if you like, I'll go first.
Something I'm ashamed of:
When I was 15 I liked smoking pot. My "boyfriend" was a drug dealer (yep, just the kind of guy you really want). One night I was over at his house and we were getting stoned with his frineds. What I didn't know was that the joints were laced with coke. I didn't sleep the whole night. The next morning he wanted to have sex with me, but I bled everywhere. I miscarried my first child that day.
Something I don't want to remember:
I was in London visiting my now ex-affair for the first time, since we had met. We went to a bar for drinks. I put my drink down for a minute. Within 20 minutes I was living outside myself. There are huge gaps in my memory of that night. I remember feeling sick. I remember getting back to the hotel. I do not rememeber most of the night though, I do not remember passing out, nor do I remember the seizure I had. I do remember the hallucinations though. I don't believe that I was raped, but that was someone's intention. Some coward of a man drugged me, so he could rape me. I felt so violated. I need control. And not knowimg what exactly happened that night, and knowing that I was drugged, steals that control from me. I did go see my doctor. Thankfully, I did not get pregnant, AIDS, or any diseases.
Something, that if I think about it, it takes me back to where I started:
Go back and read just about all of my posts. Most of them are about a man who slept with my mother. I then spent the night with that man and I loved him. I think about him, dream about him, etc. I can't escape the memory of that night. And I wish I wouldn't love him at all.
Love is a cunt, but if you keep the really horrible stuff locked up, all you'll get is a yeast infection.
posted by pillowfeather | 6:42 pm
Horrible-beautiful. And true.
It's worse than a yeast infection. It's fucking cysts on your glands if you hold it in. I'm glad you're able to express these things and be honest about them.
There are folks who live their entire lives in denial, and undue shame, to their own destruction.
~ Witt