Every tear you've cried will be a lesson you learn.

"It's funny," he said, when I regurgitated one of my tales of past disrepute. "I can't imagine you doing anything like that. You seem so... caring."

Well, with you I am.

Don't get the wrong idea mate - you've broken the mould here. Realise how God damn special you actually are. I blame you for being perfection incarnate and everything I could possibly want (and I'm sure one day I'll grow to hate you for being just that, when you drag my heart through a tornado and pierce it with a rusty blade).

I did my share of Being A Good Girlfriend until I was 23, when I realised that in fact, there was a game to be played. Newly single, I pulled a guy in some sordid local nightspot, snogged him all night and got fingered in the casino.

I hadn't been single that long, and it was the first time I ever really had been. He asked for my number. I expected him to call. He didn't. He did however text me one night asking if I fancied a fuck in a layby. I declined.

What followed was a series of one-night-stands. Don't get me wrong, I'd never been one to grow attached from one night of passion. It wasn't a case of me changing, just my circumstances allowed me to whore it. Unfortunately, I did manage to cause a few 'upheavals'.

There are golden rules to sleeping around. Don't shag your mates, friends-of-the-family, colleagues... I managed to break every one in the book.

But every tear you cry, every mistake you make, every time you get your heart broken, and every heart you break will be a lesson to you.

Such are the dynamics of the game.