Dear Abby:
Joe and I are going strong, it seems. It's been about six weeks now and there haven't been any major problems. I feel more comfortable and happy with him than with any other guy I've dated, and the future looks bright.
Except, of course, for one thing. His goddamn ex-girlfriend can't seem to stay out of the fuckin' picture.
Susan started dating someone else a mere two weeks after she and Joe broke up. She's still dating that guy, a dude from the restaurant she works at who lives with his mother and has a child by another woman. Nevertheless, she calls, emails or texts Joe almost daily, asking him what's up, or if he needs her to drive him to the grocery store, or if he needs to go to REI for camping supplies...She went to Coachella with her new beefs last weekend and yet felt the need to send texts to Joe every few hours, updating him on how much fun she was having.
This bothers me. Joe says it bothers him quite a bit as well. She, after all, dumped him unceremoniously and moved out back in January. He acknowledges that he still has a lot of shit to work through re: Susan, and he appreciates my understanding and patience.
Still doesn't change the fact that my head almost explodes every time the phone rings and it's fucking Susan.
Is it just me, or is this weird? Seems to me that when people break up, they like to keep a distance from each other for a while to let wounds heal and generally get a better perspective on what happened. This bitch won't let Joe go a day without sticking her big nose up in his biz-nass. (She knows about me, by the way.)
Am I being needlessly jealous? Joe says I have nothing to worry about; he says the more time he spends away from her, the more he can't believe they dated for so long ('bout three years). Still, I can't help feeling uncomfortable.
Maybe I just feel insecure. My six weeks is a big nothing compared to what they had. He must have loved her. I don't know if he loves me, or if he can love me right now. I'm completely bonkers over him, too, which means that if/when the end comes, I will be utterly devastated. I've been really sad about a breakup before, but this will ruin me. (Hence, love is a cunt, n'est-ce pas?).
Anyway. Am I being a nutjob? Is she being a weirdo? Do you think she suddenly misses him and is realizing the colossal mistake she's made? Please advise, my lovely cunty friends.
***
Just for shits 'n' grins, here are the two things he's done that have really cut me so far:
SCENE ONE:
(GWAK and JOE making out tenderly and drunkenly)
JOE: GWAK, I love you...I mean, I love your body.
GWAK: *record-scratch noise* Uh...(Stalks into bathroom and contemplates breaking mirror)
[I told Joe the next morning how that had hurt me, that pretty much all my previous relationships have been predicated, unbeknownst to me, on the male's desire to touch my boobalas. He was shocked and horrified at his behavior, begged forgiveness, almost burst into tears, and gave me a funny card the next day.]
SCENE TWO:
(GWAK and JOE are settling in with a couple pints of Guinness at a bar.)
JOE: (Checking cell phone) Oooh, a text. (Pause) Oh, it's Susan. (Reads) She wants me to come over and watch Alias. (Gives a derisive snort, types a response)
GWAK: Whaddja say?
JOE: I told her I don't feel well, so I'm staying in tonight. I had to have a legitimate excuse.
GWAK: (stunned silence) (retreats into shell)
[Now this last one I brought upon myself. It was none of my goddamn business what he said back to her. And he happened not to tell her that he was out with me, his new girlfriend, because I'm not a legitimate excuse, apparently. I didn't tell him that he'd given me another slap in the face.]
Revel in the rain on my parade!
Except, of course, for one thing. His goddamn ex-girlfriend can't seem to stay out of the fuckin' picture.
Susan started dating someone else a mere two weeks after she and Joe broke up. She's still dating that guy, a dude from the restaurant she works at who lives with his mother and has a child by another woman. Nevertheless, she calls, emails or texts Joe almost daily, asking him what's up, or if he needs her to drive him to the grocery store, or if he needs to go to REI for camping supplies...She went to Coachella with her new beefs last weekend and yet felt the need to send texts to Joe every few hours, updating him on how much fun she was having.
This bothers me. Joe says it bothers him quite a bit as well. She, after all, dumped him unceremoniously and moved out back in January. He acknowledges that he still has a lot of shit to work through re: Susan, and he appreciates my understanding and patience.
Still doesn't change the fact that my head almost explodes every time the phone rings and it's fucking Susan.
Is it just me, or is this weird? Seems to me that when people break up, they like to keep a distance from each other for a while to let wounds heal and generally get a better perspective on what happened. This bitch won't let Joe go a day without sticking her big nose up in his biz-nass. (She knows about me, by the way.)
Am I being needlessly jealous? Joe says I have nothing to worry about; he says the more time he spends away from her, the more he can't believe they dated for so long ('bout three years). Still, I can't help feeling uncomfortable.
Maybe I just feel insecure. My six weeks is a big nothing compared to what they had. He must have loved her. I don't know if he loves me, or if he can love me right now. I'm completely bonkers over him, too, which means that if/when the end comes, I will be utterly devastated. I've been really sad about a breakup before, but this will ruin me. (Hence, love is a cunt, n'est-ce pas?).
Anyway. Am I being a nutjob? Is she being a weirdo? Do you think she suddenly misses him and is realizing the colossal mistake she's made? Please advise, my lovely cunty friends.
***
Just for shits 'n' grins, here are the two things he's done that have really cut me so far:
SCENE ONE:
(GWAK and JOE making out tenderly and drunkenly)
JOE: GWAK, I love you...I mean, I love your body.
GWAK: *record-scratch noise* Uh...(Stalks into bathroom and contemplates breaking mirror)
[I told Joe the next morning how that had hurt me, that pretty much all my previous relationships have been predicated, unbeknownst to me, on the male's desire to touch my boobalas. He was shocked and horrified at his behavior, begged forgiveness, almost burst into tears, and gave me a funny card the next day.]
SCENE TWO:
(GWAK and JOE are settling in with a couple pints of Guinness at a bar.)
JOE: (Checking cell phone) Oooh, a text. (Pause) Oh, it's Susan. (Reads) She wants me to come over and watch Alias. (Gives a derisive snort, types a response)
GWAK: Whaddja say?
JOE: I told her I don't feel well, so I'm staying in tonight. I had to have a legitimate excuse.
GWAK: (stunned silence) (retreats into shell)
[Now this last one I brought upon myself. It was none of my goddamn business what he said back to her. And he happened not to tell her that he was out with me, his new girlfriend, because I'm not a legitimate excuse, apparently. I didn't tell him that he'd given me another slap in the face.]
Revel in the rain on my parade!
posted by Kathleen | 2:53 am
sometimes men need a fryin pan to the back of their head.
Wow. Yep, he really made some schoolboy errors in those two scenes. But nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual blokeish idiocy.
As for Susan, she needs a pickaxe to the fucking face. It sounds like she's trying to make sure or find out if she still holds some sway over Joe. There's absolutely no reason she should be texting him with the frequency of a girlfriend.
BUT if the man is telling you not to worry, then you shouldn't. He probably knows how best to deal with her - and it's not like *he's* the one texting her all the time.
yikes! i say be careful girlie..sounds like he still hasn't let go completely of this susan character...and she's still trying to be in the picture?? argh..just dont get stuck bieng the rebound girl.
I'm with JiB on this. Yer man needs cuffing upside the head but he probably means no harm, he's just a bloke. Speaks without giving due consideration to the correct words. Thinks with the little head rather than the big head. We all do it.
Point being - and God knows it's easy for me to say, not having had even a date since Clinton was still increasing Monica's dry cleaning bill - he says you're not to worry, so try not to. If he was making contact with the ex, rather than taking contact, then maybe. But he's not.
I agree that Joe deserved a couple smacks for his poor judgments outlined above. He didn't get one for that second stupid remark, but I am a loving and forgiving person. (Right?) I'm moving on from that. You are all right - he's a guy. Guys very often speak without thinking.
On Susan: Thank you, JiBsy: "a pickaxe to the fucking face." :D :D Seriously - it was so satisfying to read that.
Another one of Susan's problems is her conviction that she is very mature and wise at the ripe old age of 30. (Joe's 28 and I'm 25.) Because of her advanced age, she feels entitled to tell Joe how he should feel about most everything.
This was essentially her response when Joe addressed her complaint that she hasn't seen too much of him or his friends lately:
"Why can't we all just behave like adults and be friendly with each other? What's wrong with keeping in touch? We were friends and lovers for so long, after all. Sure I dumped you, but that's all in the past! Grow up, Joe."
MANIPULATIVE BITCH.
If "being an adult" means hanging out with her, I'm gonna go out Peter-Pan-style and never grow up.
You're right, that response from her is near-textbook manipulation. Let's hope it's not working on him.
In case it does, the mining tools are on standby.