You're so vain, I bet you think this post is about you...
Remember me? I was here about a month ago crying over the sad break-up my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend rather) went through. I'm back again because, as you undoubtably guessed, we broke up. At least it only took a couple minutes this time around and no tears have been shed, yet. There is still one night together, in the same bed, to get through. Tomorrow morning I'll drop him off to work, load my boxes into my car, drive 20 minutes away to my friend's house and unpack there. No real plans yet to how I'm going to deal with the whole singleness thing. In all honesty I haven't really been single since I was about 13. I think I might be afriad to be single actually.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for, posting this here. Support maybe, or at least a knowing glance from those who have had their heart ripped out from there chest. I think this one will be fairly hard to get over. I left school, moved 2 hours from home, and gave up a lot of myself for a relationship I was ultimately disillusioned by. I spent much of the time in a fairytale, imaging a future I know now would never have happened. *Whoops, forget the no-tears-have-been-shed-bit - Insert pathetic sob here.*
He's really a good person, I stand by that, and I think maybe that's what hurts most. He'll just never be able to give me what I want, and I think the day I see him give that to another girl is the day I'll want to jump off the nearest bridge.
I don't know why he couldn't be better to me, or truly trust himself with me, and though I never hurt him, cheated on him, or gave him any reason to doubt my loyalty I don't know how not to take it personally. For the first time in my life I gave another human being everything I possibly could and got my heart ripped open for it.
So here's my post, my shredded heart, and no-doubt some inarticulate, nonsensical ramblings. I feel like shit and wish I was still young enough to bury my face into my mother's arms. Life sucks, love sucks, and I wish I didn't care.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for, posting this here. Support maybe, or at least a knowing glance from those who have had their heart ripped out from there chest. I think this one will be fairly hard to get over. I left school, moved 2 hours from home, and gave up a lot of myself for a relationship I was ultimately disillusioned by. I spent much of the time in a fairytale, imaging a future I know now would never have happened. *Whoops, forget the no-tears-have-been-shed-bit - Insert pathetic sob here.*
He's really a good person, I stand by that, and I think maybe that's what hurts most. He'll just never be able to give me what I want, and I think the day I see him give that to another girl is the day I'll want to jump off the nearest bridge.
I don't know why he couldn't be better to me, or truly trust himself with me, and though I never hurt him, cheated on him, or gave him any reason to doubt my loyalty I don't know how not to take it personally. For the first time in my life I gave another human being everything I possibly could and got my heart ripped open for it.
So here's my post, my shredded heart, and no-doubt some inarticulate, nonsensical ramblings. I feel like shit and wish I was still young enough to bury my face into my mother's arms. Life sucks, love sucks, and I wish I didn't care.
posted by Anonymous | 3:05 am
Here's a few points from about a year down the road you're going:
You didn't change yourself and your life just for him, there was another reason that you'll acknowledge later
Men know what they can provide from day one. If he was a good guy he wouldn't have wasted your time trying to convince you to accept less than he was willing to provide.
You will never see him give it to another girl, he doesn't have it to give.
You did everything you could and he still didn't trust you. That says something about him, not you. Don't other people trust you with way less reassurance?
You Mend.
I, weirdly, also feel a little sorry for the guy here. When he wakes up one day and realises what he gave up. The type of person you describe yourself to be, Ms. Addams, is rare - when he realises that, it won't be you wanting to tumble off a bridge. But you can't convince him of it now. He'll only be convinced when it's too late - that's the only way it *can* happen.
As for yourself, I think Liza said it all.
Oddly enough, Ms. Addams I can't say that I'm surprised. We both know why, of course and I'm sorry that you have to go through such shit with him.
I wish he was strong enough to give you everything you need.
You were the best to ever happen to him.
"For the first time in my life I gave another human being everything I possibly could and got my heart ripped open for it."
Seems to be a recurring theme in mine.
It gets better. Eventually you will mend and become a jaded, bitter old hag like the rest of us. Take care of you. Fuck him.
Rationally speaking, if you know it isn't going to be enough for you, just as well you're out now, rathern trapped later.
Irrationally speaking, ..*HUGS!!!!!*
And yea, what they all said. :)
Gawd. I hate it when that happens. Mack-Trucked on the highway of life. Gotta make sure that you don't actually hand them the keys anymore -- it's your life, *you* drive. Which means that you don't accept less than what you need & DESERVE. Don't second guess your gut, and most of all HOLD OUT for what you want, but have fun nonetheless. Eventually all the road rash will heal up and you'll get back in the game again. I'm starting to wonder if some Males aren't more like Disneyland rides. You stand in line for HOURS in the hot sun, waiting for your turn at this amazing ride... then you're disappointed and a little bit nauseous by the time it's over. There are other rides, just don't forget to visit the beer stand between rides!
You didn't lose anything by giving and being hurt. You were brave enough to hope, and even though it seems like an unhappy end to fairy tale today, someday you'll see that there's someone who deserves that hope.