Will it ever be mutual again?

At 45, the last time I was in a doubly mutual relationship was 30 years ago. And then her mother split us up before it got, how should I put it, 'really interesting'. Just a bit of background before the current probable debacle.

Being my age nearly every presentable woman is taken, so each one I meet has a flaw the size of an elephant, though the one I recount now the flaw is mine not hers. She's one of my mum's friends... (and about the same age).
Well, this has no effect on me. I've been after older, younger and weird women as long as I can remember, so the boundaries many have to dislike and disinterest just don't matter to me, but to conventional women, forget it. They have their barriers and a man their kids' age is a biggie. But to use the word 'love' here can only be in a potential sense. We have only met a few times, partly as she spends much of her time abroad, but after these meetings the test I first look for has been passed. She brings out the best in me. There is a 'whole and perfect' me that only comes out when in the presence of the right women. We had lots to talk about and she is very easy to get on with. It was clear after the first meeting we shared many interests, we're both interested in the supernatural and enlightenment, and are both artists, though she is a full-time professional. Of course she was married up till a few years ago when her husband died, as I said, at most my age are. It is just like my mum's incredibly nice-looking married friend of my age, ie still married for another 25 or so years before becoming available. But fuck me, I'm not going to be waiting till I'm 70 for any new love action am I?

So, what did I do about this intricately complex situation? She's already said she's happy being alone and doesn't need a man to 'hold her back' (what on earth does that say about her marriage?), so I'm already off to a setback at step one, as she simply doesn't (think she) wants anyone. Good start. Had she just been an interesting person, I'd have been pleased to see her occasionally and share our interests and that's it. Just as if she'd still been married. But besides all that, I can't avoid the glaring fact she's hot!!! As well as lovely hair and an attractive face, she has legs to die for, and I have no qualms at all imagining myself with her, quite possibly to the point of exclusivity. I'd only know 100% for sure of course 'after the event', but I suspect she's pretty likely to pass that test as well.

The other area that helped draw me to her was her computer. I spent some time fixing up her scrambled programs, and then 'subtlely' linked some of my websites and forums for her so she could have a look. [Note to readers, without some excessive caution on my part in removing all traces this end, it would have been just my luck the day she decided to follow it up was the day I posted this...] The hint didn't get picked up, so the next shot was a friendly and innocent email which has been duly ignored (assuming her second location is actually online at all). So I now wait till she returns to Blighty and the next time she can slip me into her social activities, which are pretty hectic.
OK, the odds and facts have more or less killed this now, though I know she will always at least remain a good though occasional friend. But my heart told me there are all the elements for that something I hardly experience from decade to decade. Each time I saw her, what I vaguely suspected the first time was driven deeper and deeper until I knew it was something real for me. But only apparently in my imagination, where I've already been and done everything, from the obvious to taking her on holiday and sharing a house. The only way it seems to happen apparently, and not only with her, but full stop. It would take a miracle for anything to come from this, but just goes to illustrate perfectly the title of this blog.