Forbidden love?
This year’s phase has been totally covered by an attraction to women I have not only no chance with, but are often those who would be surprised, disgusted or offended should they discover my interest. You can’t help who you meet, and usually have no idea of their status until it’s far too late to discover you’re on yet another time-waster. Not really socialising doesn’t help. At 45 with most friends long accounted for, there are few people to go out with, and even fewer places to go, so I just meet women at random.
The first and closest to me now was a new girl who started some time ago at my community centre. The first day I saw her, from behind, I saw a large but not uninviting frame, and clearly twenty years or so my junior. When she turned round the face was one to shine out in a sea of people, and one which only got better every day I saw it. Then I found she was interested in spirituality and enlightenment, which is rare enough as it is. Then she mentioned her boyfriend, someone who also worked there. I never intended to do anything but couldn’t help wishing and imagining nonetheless. The final blow to my dreams came when she announced her pregnancy… You just can’t pick who you fall for.
The next was one of my ufo community who I interviewed as I do whenever someone wants to know what happened to them when they saw one and possibly met its occupants. She was pretty nice looking, actually single and the right sort of age, and had a very thorough knowledge of the supernatural. I did what I had to, and we were in regular touch afterwards, though due to living miles away didn’t actually see her. She told me of many of her problems and interests by email, and we could also spend ages on the phone. Then she said she was touring the country and would I like to come along. Whatever else, I knew she was interested in me as a friend at least. But I had no inclination to rough it across a country I’d driven up and down all my life so said if she was in my neck of the woods I’d come and see her. If she was really interested it should take more than that to put her off. Then she said she’d phone and didn’t, so I called her on her mobile (all she had) and for a week it was off. I finally caught her and she said it was broken but she’d call me that week, and that was the last I heard from her. I sent a speculative email a month later but that was my lot. So out of the blue we’d built up a friendship and without me doing a thing (I regularly do cock it up, but can usually work out if I have) suddenly decided I was persona non grata. Out of the lot she was the least forbidden, but the catalogue of issues she had and the way we met meant the whole thing was dead from the beginning despite any apparent signs to the contrary.
The one who pushed my boundaries of screw-ups to its new level was a carer for my grandma. On paper she was the most suitable (from what I knew at the time), right age, divorced and though she was very plain, to put it politely, we got on very well and my cynical method with those who don’t turn me on from the start is to try it once and see whether they’re any better in practice than theory. You have to be practical or you may miss a good one. Anyway, she was about to leave and I gave her my number and asked her to call me when she moved (my grandma would never let me see her knowingly) which she said she would. She always wanted to talk to me when I was there and we felt comfortable together, until she mentioned JESUS…
Did you know the most important thing in life is to be saved in the name of Jesus Christ? No, I’m Jewish and I don’t believe in that either, sorry. She had a couple of tries to deliver the ‘good news’, which she appeared to act as if she thought I’d never heard it before. Flogging a dead horse, I still got a call from her, ‘I’ve got nowhere to live, can I stay with you?'. Besides the fact my spare room has taken much of the material that should be in my garage were it watertight I would rather be onto a certainty and not just have her as a tenant, and only share if we also shared a bedroom. She then called to apologise and said not to worry, she’d got her old place back. I said it was fine, she had to ask, and to call me when she moved. Never again. She had two things on her mind from me, conversion to Jesus and somewhere to live. My personality had nothing to do with it, I was just a target and a possible meal ticket, and as soon as she realised I wasn’t going to roll over she was gone like a dose of salts.
The biggest waste of everyone’s time was my mother’s artist friend. Now when I know a woman’s married however nice I turn off. She has one amazing friend my age but being married I am immune to her charms. You have to wait till their late sixties before the husbands start dying off, and at my age that’s a hell of a long way off. So Fiona is widowed and bloody gorgeous despite her 25 year age gap. I didn’t start by thinking of anything except how well we got on, but after a couple of arrangements with my mother present we not only got on very well, but she was one of the very rare people who brought out the best in me. She has a house abroad so the gaps between meetings are in months, but by the third and last I was drawn to her like a magnet. The signs were already on the horizon, after she told my mum what a shame I was single (ie I should be with someone ‘suitable’), and she didn’t want another man cramping her style). On reflection I think she must have picked up the vibes and headed me off at the pass with a massive hint before I embarrassed us both with an approach. I would never look for a woman my mother’s age, but as I later discovered many other men I knew of had, I can’t avoid their qualities when I do meet one. On advice from my American online support group/forum I sent her an innocent email (not a perfect scenario as she hadn’t given it to me, so also made myself look like a stalker) which oddly enough didn’t get a reply. For weeks my mind swung between seeing my interest as crazy and possible, but clearly with the odds of less than one per cent the crazy won in reality.
Every one seemed impossible, but can there ever be a chance one will ever happen for me regardless of likelihood? It must happen.
The first and closest to me now was a new girl who started some time ago at my community centre. The first day I saw her, from behind, I saw a large but not uninviting frame, and clearly twenty years or so my junior. When she turned round the face was one to shine out in a sea of people, and one which only got better every day I saw it. Then I found she was interested in spirituality and enlightenment, which is rare enough as it is. Then she mentioned her boyfriend, someone who also worked there. I never intended to do anything but couldn’t help wishing and imagining nonetheless. The final blow to my dreams came when she announced her pregnancy… You just can’t pick who you fall for.
The next was one of my ufo community who I interviewed as I do whenever someone wants to know what happened to them when they saw one and possibly met its occupants. She was pretty nice looking, actually single and the right sort of age, and had a very thorough knowledge of the supernatural. I did what I had to, and we were in regular touch afterwards, though due to living miles away didn’t actually see her. She told me of many of her problems and interests by email, and we could also spend ages on the phone. Then she said she was touring the country and would I like to come along. Whatever else, I knew she was interested in me as a friend at least. But I had no inclination to rough it across a country I’d driven up and down all my life so said if she was in my neck of the woods I’d come and see her. If she was really interested it should take more than that to put her off. Then she said she’d phone and didn’t, so I called her on her mobile (all she had) and for a week it was off. I finally caught her and she said it was broken but she’d call me that week, and that was the last I heard from her. I sent a speculative email a month later but that was my lot. So out of the blue we’d built up a friendship and without me doing a thing (I regularly do cock it up, but can usually work out if I have) suddenly decided I was persona non grata. Out of the lot she was the least forbidden, but the catalogue of issues she had and the way we met meant the whole thing was dead from the beginning despite any apparent signs to the contrary.
The one who pushed my boundaries of screw-ups to its new level was a carer for my grandma. On paper she was the most suitable (from what I knew at the time), right age, divorced and though she was very plain, to put it politely, we got on very well and my cynical method with those who don’t turn me on from the start is to try it once and see whether they’re any better in practice than theory. You have to be practical or you may miss a good one. Anyway, she was about to leave and I gave her my number and asked her to call me when she moved (my grandma would never let me see her knowingly) which she said she would. She always wanted to talk to me when I was there and we felt comfortable together, until she mentioned JESUS…
Did you know the most important thing in life is to be saved in the name of Jesus Christ? No, I’m Jewish and I don’t believe in that either, sorry. She had a couple of tries to deliver the ‘good news’, which she appeared to act as if she thought I’d never heard it before. Flogging a dead horse, I still got a call from her, ‘I’ve got nowhere to live, can I stay with you?'. Besides the fact my spare room has taken much of the material that should be in my garage were it watertight I would rather be onto a certainty and not just have her as a tenant, and only share if we also shared a bedroom. She then called to apologise and said not to worry, she’d got her old place back. I said it was fine, she had to ask, and to call me when she moved. Never again. She had two things on her mind from me, conversion to Jesus and somewhere to live. My personality had nothing to do with it, I was just a target and a possible meal ticket, and as soon as she realised I wasn’t going to roll over she was gone like a dose of salts.
The biggest waste of everyone’s time was my mother’s artist friend. Now when I know a woman’s married however nice I turn off. She has one amazing friend my age but being married I am immune to her charms. You have to wait till their late sixties before the husbands start dying off, and at my age that’s a hell of a long way off. So Fiona is widowed and bloody gorgeous despite her 25 year age gap. I didn’t start by thinking of anything except how well we got on, but after a couple of arrangements with my mother present we not only got on very well, but she was one of the very rare people who brought out the best in me. She has a house abroad so the gaps between meetings are in months, but by the third and last I was drawn to her like a magnet. The signs were already on the horizon, after she told my mum what a shame I was single (ie I should be with someone ‘suitable’), and she didn’t want another man cramping her style). On reflection I think she must have picked up the vibes and headed me off at the pass with a massive hint before I embarrassed us both with an approach. I would never look for a woman my mother’s age, but as I later discovered many other men I knew of had, I can’t avoid their qualities when I do meet one. On advice from my American online support group/forum I sent her an innocent email (not a perfect scenario as she hadn’t given it to me, so also made myself look like a stalker) which oddly enough didn’t get a reply. For weeks my mind swung between seeing my interest as crazy and possible, but clearly with the odds of less than one per cent the crazy won in reality.
Every one seemed impossible, but can there ever be a chance one will ever happen for me regardless of likelihood? It must happen.
posted by David | 9:54 pm
Who are you? And why do you have the hots for David?
Who are you? And why do you have the hots for David?
The hots for David? Please! I pity the damn arse! I despise him.
It's quite obvious you can't tell when someone hates the ground another person walks on.
She does Juliet, seriously psychotic. Having escaped when I was given a chance I've never been forgiven. If she didn't care she wouldn't bother to follow me everywhere like the lunatic stalker she is. I didn't even have this linked from my site and she still managed to track it down. If she has the gall to try again her name and address will be posted, and then her complete messenger history.
This girl is pissing me off!
I sympathise with you, David. I didn't even bother responding to her random response to my question; which was just further evidence of her not being over whatever you two did.
In any case, good luck with it and look after your pets!
(and yes, you should post that stuff up if she tries again, it would make for fun LIAC reading)
Tempting...
At least her outbursts allowed me to see what was always there in front of me. She has no sense of humour (does she really think when I said pulling out my wanger would impress someone? I was quoting Ben Elton for fuck's sake!), and if her opinion on my art is more informed than a fucking art gallery then I've seriously underestimated her!
And whatever goes on between two people, only a total loser then goes out and disses the other in public at every possible opportunity. If I wanted to diss her I never posted it for all to see. Until now...