Once Again,
I am a failure. I know it's my fault, but I can't stop the pattern. I want to decipher the riddle, but I don't even know the question. I have the tools to fix it, but I don't even know what to fix.
If I had just stayed there, kept my job, even though I don't fit in in the south, this wouldn't be happening. I would be preparing five little girls for their state meet and wondering when the next relationship would pop up. I would be by myself, but I would be happy, with a job - and one I liked, at that - with lots of money in the bank for that one big, Rainy Day.
I wouldn't be lamenting poor timing and my stupid, naive heart that keeps getting up even after the bell has rung. I wouldn't be holding back tears at random moments throughout the day. I wouldn't be leering at happy couples at the supermarket. I wouldn't be troubling friends, family, and you with my self-pity.
When things get like this, experience has taught me that it's time to make a change. It's hard to discern the difference between the coward and the cowboy, selfishness and self-preservation.
But I will figure it out. There's no rush in making a decision, but one has to be made Sooner than Later.
If I had just stayed there, kept my job, even though I don't fit in in the south, this wouldn't be happening. I would be preparing five little girls for their state meet and wondering when the next relationship would pop up. I would be by myself, but I would be happy, with a job - and one I liked, at that - with lots of money in the bank for that one big, Rainy Day.
I wouldn't be lamenting poor timing and my stupid, naive heart that keeps getting up even after the bell has rung. I wouldn't be holding back tears at random moments throughout the day. I wouldn't be leering at happy couples at the supermarket. I wouldn't be troubling friends, family, and you with my self-pity.
When things get like this, experience has taught me that it's time to make a change. It's hard to discern the difference between the coward and the cowboy, selfishness and self-preservation.
But I will figure it out. There's no rush in making a decision, but one has to be made Sooner than Later.
posted by Anonymous | 5:04 am
"I wouldn't be leering at happy couples at the supermarket"
Don't let the illusion fool you.
I know that when a person is down, and lost love, everything is magnified. Suddenly everyone is with someone, everyone is blissfully happy but you.
The fact of the matter is that just because people are together in the supermarket, or at the movies or what have you... don't think that they have it better than you.
There are plenty of people who are suffering through all kinds of shit to stay with a partner.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard of couples splitting up, and then the rest of the story comes out. Cheating, abuse, gambling, drinking, and so on. Meanwhile, I was sitting back looking at the front of the relationship and thinking, "wow! They've got a pretty good relationship".
It's true that it's not as lonely to be alone as it is to be with someone who doesn't love you.