What lies beneath...

Song of the day: Abra Moore, Trip on Love

"I let my guard down, in a momentary lapse of emotion..."

Further to JulietIsBleeding's post about developing an armour-plate in response to previous fuckedoverness. It's something that's been pointed out to me over the years, that I have a frightening degree of armour concealing the true wimpette that lies beneath. It's not intentional (and it is in fact something that I don't doubt has fucked me over on a number of occasions) - it's just a natural shield.

Yet time and time again this shield proves to be of ultimate value. When you are royally fucked over, you can smile and, on the surface, appear as if nothing could be better. This is clearly a positive function both to you (the victim) and to the culprit of the fuck-up. They don't have to feel guilty for fucking you over (although, depending on how much of a cunt they actually are, and mine invariably tend to be cunts of the utmost variety, guilt might not be an emotion they are capable of). You don't have to admit defeat. Everyone's a winner.

It also proves useful when you genuinely don't give a shit about someone that you've fucked over. If you never act like you care (except behind closed doors) then they presume you're just being your usual, deceptive self, and that beneath that facade you're actually heartbroken.

Of course it's not so nice for those tangled in these webs of deceit. When someone hurts you, and expects you to at least dial their number anonymously or question their friends about their reasoning, or at least give some sign of giving a damn - and you don't deliver - they are also a little put out. Which is the least they deserve, since they were the ones practising cuntishness in the first place.

And, again in support of the Illegible function, on the occasions that I have let my guard down (in a momentary lapse of emotion) it has resulted in being fucked over.

Point categorically proven.