Scar Tissue
"It's easier when you don't have scar tissue," I was told, when discussing the relative ease of maintaining a fulfilling relationship.
It's a tricky situation. Perhaps my friend was right, perhaps he was wrong. Allow me to donate myself for experimental public analysis.
Apparatus
I have been in (requited) love four times thus far. As implied by the nature of the site, I've been a hopeless romantic since birth and I find it very easy to fall in love when the 'right' person comes along*.
Out of those four relationships, I was (or at least felt) burnt by two of them. One of which, not so badly, the other of which, very badly. It has been long enough that I don't feel very fucked over by either anymore - a sure sign that they've sunk into me and remain as scar tissue.
In summary, I feel like I've been on the absolute cloud nine of love, and I have a thousand beautiful memories which can bring a smile to my face every day. But I also have a thousand pinpricks, several dozen stab wounds and one huge skullfuck, all (technically) healed now.
Results
On the one hand, I've built a fortress - it's very hard for girls to get close to me now, or even understand me. I don't let myself fall for them anymore - I've taken the stance of only liking girls that like me. An overiding rule of 'don't fall for them more than they fall for you' has kicked in massively, and is obviously limiting the number of girls I date.
On the other hand, I feel a lot stronger. I don't feel like I can hit the absolute rock bottom that I did. I am far more understanding of the fact that time will heal, and am therefore more risky. Although I won't fall for girls as easily anymore, when I do it's more of a daring plunge - I feel pretty armour plated.
Conclusion
The jury's still out... This is just my experience of how my scars have affected me, and it's a very brief summary. There are nuances that can barely be explained, and effects that will be more far-reaching than I can know at the moment.
* I'll leave discussion of who the 'right' person is, for a thousand other future posts.
It's a tricky situation. Perhaps my friend was right, perhaps he was wrong. Allow me to donate myself for experimental public analysis.
Apparatus
I have been in (requited) love four times thus far. As implied by the nature of the site, I've been a hopeless romantic since birth and I find it very easy to fall in love when the 'right' person comes along*.
Out of those four relationships, I was (or at least felt) burnt by two of them. One of which, not so badly, the other of which, very badly. It has been long enough that I don't feel very fucked over by either anymore - a sure sign that they've sunk into me and remain as scar tissue.
In summary, I feel like I've been on the absolute cloud nine of love, and I have a thousand beautiful memories which can bring a smile to my face every day. But I also have a thousand pinpricks, several dozen stab wounds and one huge skullfuck, all (technically) healed now.
Results
On the one hand, I've built a fortress - it's very hard for girls to get close to me now, or even understand me. I don't let myself fall for them anymore - I've taken the stance of only liking girls that like me. An overiding rule of 'don't fall for them more than they fall for you' has kicked in massively, and is obviously limiting the number of girls I date.
On the other hand, I feel a lot stronger. I don't feel like I can hit the absolute rock bottom that I did. I am far more understanding of the fact that time will heal, and am therefore more risky. Although I won't fall for girls as easily anymore, when I do it's more of a daring plunge - I feel pretty armour plated.
Conclusion
The jury's still out... This is just my experience of how my scars have affected me, and it's a very brief summary. There are nuances that can barely be explained, and effects that will be more far-reaching than I can know at the moment.
* I'll leave discussion of who the 'right' person is, for a thousand other future posts.
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 10:44 am
I identified with your post, because I too have been fucked over, but now feel almost immune to it. I'm sure there's an even more advanced motherfucking situation coming to both of us just to prove we're actually not immune at all and are in fact hopelessly cunted. I lay in waiting...
I don't doubt it, friend... I don't doubt it at all.