To Every Fuck-up I've Ever Known

From (a) the abusive alcoholic who loved me but never enough to change his ways, to (b) the broke dopehead uni dropout who dumped me then complained when I got with someone else, to (c) the fuckwit colleague who spun me so much shit I didn't know what was real and what wasn't - I wish them all the best.

I loved them at the time, then hated them in turn, but would never wish them any unhappiness. They may have 'ruined my life' back then and driven me to the brink of suicide, made me lose faith in humanity itself and wish my heart would rot... but (corny as it may sound) they made me what I am today.

I suppose consolation is what makes me forgive them.
I know that:-
(A) will never have such a loyal, devoted, smitten girlfriend, and that we were each other's first love. However fucked up it got, nothing can change that.
(B) will always suffer. He's a sufferer, a victim. He broke my heart, yet in turn I broke his when I did actually move on as he'd told me to. He was never going to be The One.
(C) will settle with his imminent marriage based on lies, mistrust and deceit, never being able to say he shares every one of his secrets with his wife-to-be, because I am a secret he will always have to keep.

Twisted? Me? Surely not.

I hope that (A) does find a loyal, trusting girlfriend who's not bisexual like his recent ex and doesn't run off with another woman.

I hope that (B) toughens up and learns to seize the moment and keep what he wants instead of throwing it away and expecting repairs to be made automatically and without effort.

I hope (C) is happy in his marriage and doesn't have any regrets in his choices. I hope he and his wife will be content and forget the past and share their secrets and forgive each other their sins.

Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And boy have I loved.