I want you! And you! Andyouandyouandyou...
... is what South Park's Mr. Lover Lover, Chef, sings to his girlfriend.
If my girlfriend wanted an open relationship, I’d psychologically damage and disown her.
I couldn’t cope with that, it wouldn’t feel right to me – I need and demand exclusivity. For both myself and for her. But why is that, really? Let me think...
.. and as usual, my thoughts drift to porn.
Porn stars have one of the greatest jobs in the world – male and female alike – they epitomise the *animal essence* which is in all of us. Utter self-confidence with their bodies, and the blissful peace of hardcore fucking in public. Plus the greatest kudos of all – having thousands, perhaps millions of people around the world getting off on your very antics. Only gods evoke similar states of worship. Oh, and they get paid fuckloads, just in case the shameless sexual power and gratification wasn’t enough.
But you know… Surely they miss out on the whole love thing? Who’d date a porn star, for god’s sake?
“Psst, mate – so-and-so saw your missus getting frisky with four black dudes the other night…”
“So?”
“Like, aren’t you angry?”
“Not really…”
“But she was getting dildoed in the face! So-and-so says he saw her bag-piping one of ‘em.”
“What?”
“You know, where she gets their cock under her armpit and-”
“Oh, that. Yeah, that’s fine.”
“You feeling alright mate?”
Not going to happen.
So porn stars date porn stars. Having watched approx. 3.7 quintillion hours of porn in my lifetime, I’ve accidentally managed to see documentaries where they talk about their love lives and relationships.
Let me pretend I'm a porn star and say this:
Sex and love are totally separate things. Just like you can't demand exclusive friendship from your partner, you shouldn't demand exclusive sex from your partner. Sex, after all, is just a physical stimulation which we all find fantastic. It doesn't mean you give yourself to any other person, doesn't affect any loving relationship you might be in. Sure, there's a heightened state of intercourse, where you are in love and sex becomes a transcendental bonding on physical, mental and emotional planes - but that's not sex, that's s e x.
I know and understand fully that my girlfriend might want to have sex with dozens of people other than me - it's only natural - just as she understands I have that need as well. Why suppress that? Stifled sexual desires are a recipe for infidelity and lies. No, if she wants to fuck someone, then let her. So what? As long as she always comes back to me, then I know she loves me. And what better test of a relationship is there, than to let your partner try everyone else out and see if she comes back? People that don't let it happen are just possessive or jealous - both of which represent insecurity in them and their relationship.
But you know, even though I try and pretend to be one at every given opportunity, I'm not a fucking porn star. I'm the possessive jealous bastard that would rather see his girlfriend dead than with another guy. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's all part and parcel of the way in which we're brought up, the environment we live in, the people around us. So much so, that a lack of possessive jealousy is a symbol of a relationship which isn't quite right. Someone who doesn't mind their partner sleeping around is off their rocker - as I mentioned above.
So where does that leave me? Back round in a full circle I believe. But maybe a little more understanding of this whole fidelity thing.
I think it's slightly more 'evolved' behaviour to treat sex as what it is - something casual and highly enjoyable that can be experienced with whomever, rather than something that needs to be leashed to the person you love forever. Once you start thinking like that, then the trauma of infidelity (which I believe is more to do with *lies* than *cheating*, per se - which of course is the strict definition of infidelity anyway) will be less common. But until we all get jobs in the porn industry, it's not going to happen.
So we're all stuck with relationships which are, by their very shackles, geared towards unfaithfulness and apocalypse.
Have a nice day.
If my girlfriend wanted an open relationship, I’d psychologically damage and disown her.
I couldn’t cope with that, it wouldn’t feel right to me – I need and demand exclusivity. For both myself and for her. But why is that, really? Let me think...
.. and as usual, my thoughts drift to porn.
Porn stars have one of the greatest jobs in the world – male and female alike – they epitomise the *animal essence* which is in all of us. Utter self-confidence with their bodies, and the blissful peace of hardcore fucking in public. Plus the greatest kudos of all – having thousands, perhaps millions of people around the world getting off on your very antics. Only gods evoke similar states of worship. Oh, and they get paid fuckloads, just in case the shameless sexual power and gratification wasn’t enough.
But you know… Surely they miss out on the whole love thing? Who’d date a porn star, for god’s sake?
“Psst, mate – so-and-so saw your missus getting frisky with four black dudes the other night…”
“So?”
“Like, aren’t you angry?”
“Not really…”
“But she was getting dildoed in the face! So-and-so says he saw her bag-piping one of ‘em.”
“What?”
“You know, where she gets their cock under her armpit and-”
“Oh, that. Yeah, that’s fine.”
“You feeling alright mate?”
Not going to happen.
So porn stars date porn stars. Having watched approx. 3.7 quintillion hours of porn in my lifetime, I’ve accidentally managed to see documentaries where they talk about their love lives and relationships.
Let me pretend I'm a porn star and say this:
Sex and love are totally separate things. Just like you can't demand exclusive friendship from your partner, you shouldn't demand exclusive sex from your partner. Sex, after all, is just a physical stimulation which we all find fantastic. It doesn't mean you give yourself to any other person, doesn't affect any loving relationship you might be in. Sure, there's a heightened state of intercourse, where you are in love and sex becomes a transcendental bonding on physical, mental and emotional planes - but that's not sex, that's s e x.
I know and understand fully that my girlfriend might want to have sex with dozens of people other than me - it's only natural - just as she understands I have that need as well. Why suppress that? Stifled sexual desires are a recipe for infidelity and lies. No, if she wants to fuck someone, then let her. So what? As long as she always comes back to me, then I know she loves me. And what better test of a relationship is there, than to let your partner try everyone else out and see if she comes back? People that don't let it happen are just possessive or jealous - both of which represent insecurity in them and their relationship.
But you know, even though I try and pretend to be one at every given opportunity, I'm not a fucking porn star. I'm the possessive jealous bastard that would rather see his girlfriend dead than with another guy. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's all part and parcel of the way in which we're brought up, the environment we live in, the people around us. So much so, that a lack of possessive jealousy is a symbol of a relationship which isn't quite right. Someone who doesn't mind their partner sleeping around is off their rocker - as I mentioned above.
So where does that leave me? Back round in a full circle I believe. But maybe a little more understanding of this whole fidelity thing.
I think it's slightly more 'evolved' behaviour to treat sex as what it is - something casual and highly enjoyable that can be experienced with whomever, rather than something that needs to be leashed to the person you love forever. Once you start thinking like that, then the trauma of infidelity (which I believe is more to do with *lies* than *cheating*, per se - which of course is the strict definition of infidelity anyway) will be less common. But until we all get jobs in the porn industry, it's not going to happen.
So we're all stuck with relationships which are, by their very shackles, geared towards unfaithfulness and apocalypse.
Have a nice day.
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 11:17 am
I wouldn't judge that as wrong. I just wouldn't go out with it.
Unfortunately, it's rare for people to say things like that on entering (or even during) a relationship. Hence the stage is set up all wrong and everything ends unhappily ever after.
"Who are you to judge that this is wrong?..."
No matter how many times I hear this inane question, it always makes me laugh. How come people don't ask it when they get pulled over by a police officer or taken to task by their supervisor at work? Why don't they ask it when a math or English teacher hands back a paper covered in red ink?
Some things need to be judged as wrong. Mankind has struggled to define morality since the beginning of recorded history, from the Code of Hammurabi to the Torah to the convergence of Parliaments & Congress. It's all about legislating morality. It's all about one group of people saying "This is right, this is wrong."
It's wrong that ChristmasMyth's father raped her. It's wrong to murder. It's wrong to steal from your boss.
"But", you may say, "suppose everyone involved is a 'consenting adult?'"
Again I laugh. So fucking what if they are? Do you think it's morally right to let sheep jump off a cliff, even if they want to? Is everything really okay, even between "consenting adults?" Just how fucking clever do you think human beings really are?
Do you really want to live in a world where there are no rules at all? Where no boundaries exist?
Please.
The good thing about morality is that it's fairly easy to define, although it's an ongoing process.
But just try defining love.
~ Witt
That's getting really tricky there, Witt...
Humanity, as a society where the individuals naturally tend to not care about the whole, requires rules set in stone and implemented through official policing or peer pressure. You're right on that one.
But are you saying that people should be chastised over their attitudes towards completely subjective actions, like casual sex, or who they fratenise with, or which books they read or the places they live?
I mean, people are gobsmackingly stupid and I hate almost all of them, but...
this made me smile as in many ways it sums up my thoughts about the idea of fidelity and commitment. whenever i have been in a relationship that is the only one for me. i might do a little window shopping (i am a notorious letch - or as most people term it "a dirty old man". i am never keen about the old part), but i would never stray, i would remain faithful.
part of that is to do with trust and honesty.
part of it is to do with the fact i would know i would be totally devastated if i found out someone was cheating on me.
and part of it is that if there were problems in the relationship, i would like to think we could be adults and sort it out.
would i enter an "open" relationship?
firstly i agree sex and love are not the same. i have had sex with people who i knew at the time i would never see again and would never want to see again. and i have loved people passionately without ever touching them. when you can have both together well sting and his tantric 4 day sex marathons can't compete.
but the real reason - the honest reason - for not getting into an "open" relationship is that i know my lover is always going to get more shags than me and i would be so pissed off at that.
pat