Maybe he should be a porn star
Once again we were in bed. This time we had just finished having sex and I laid there all deep in thought, when he brought up the subject of sleeping with other people again.
I tried my hardest to keep myself from killing him as I listened to him talk. I heard phrases like "if the chance comes up" and "it would be cool, if you wouldn't get mad." Honestly, I can't recall the entire conversation. I got what he was saying, so my head was busy working on the why.
Did this have anything to do with his night out the other night? The strange phone calls? Does he think I'm going to have sex with someone in particular? Does he know more about that person I rarely mention? Does he already have someone? Why is he saying this now?
He swears that there is no one else yet, nor was he saying this regarding anyone in particular (to which he says, he's "just not that fucking insecure"). I told him, I believe he just wants to be able to fuck anyone he wants and not feel guilty. He also doesn't want me to be jealous. And so he's offering me the right to do it too. He wants an open relationship. He couldn't deny it.
Since then I've gone through so many emotions. This is the 8th time I'm actually writing this. This time I won't delete it. I love him. I've always loved him. But how much longer am I suppose to wait for him to return it? What else will I have to go through?
I'm not looking for someone to hurt him with, or to replace him. I'm far too weak and broken for that. I am not a porn star.
I tried my hardest to keep myself from killing him as I listened to him talk. I heard phrases like "if the chance comes up" and "it would be cool, if you wouldn't get mad." Honestly, I can't recall the entire conversation. I got what he was saying, so my head was busy working on the why.
Did this have anything to do with his night out the other night? The strange phone calls? Does he think I'm going to have sex with someone in particular? Does he know more about that person I rarely mention? Does he already have someone? Why is he saying this now?
He swears that there is no one else yet, nor was he saying this regarding anyone in particular (to which he says, he's "just not that fucking insecure"). I told him, I believe he just wants to be able to fuck anyone he wants and not feel guilty. He also doesn't want me to be jealous. And so he's offering me the right to do it too. He wants an open relationship. He couldn't deny it.
Since then I've gone through so many emotions. This is the 8th time I'm actually writing this. This time I won't delete it. I love him. I've always loved him. But how much longer am I suppose to wait for him to return it? What else will I have to go through?
I'm not looking for someone to hurt him with, or to replace him. I'm far too weak and broken for that. I am not a porn star.
posted by pillowfeather | 3:45 pm
Tell him to shut his trap next time - not only are you not going to allow him to sleep with other women, but you don't have to put up with him asking you about it either.
The situation sounds bad, but you know - loads of guys (and girls) would be saying the same thing as him to their partners, if they were brutally honest and stultefyingly tactless.
The fact he maybe doesn't love you is more serious. If you're not going to divorce him then you're going to have to give it time. It's not like you have any other option.
My boyfriend has casually announced that he would enjoy a 3some inbetween our casual weekly-romps.
When I'm hot enough, the idea of me licking another pussy puts excessive amounts of dew on my daisy, but when my head isn't full of dilly-dally sex banter, the idea of him fucking another woman makes my stomach plumet to the pits of hell.
Personally, I think you should kick your annoyingly awful husband to the curb.
He doesn't deserve your love, and I don't blame you for going to other places to find it - I would have too. He sounds like a complete arse and if I were to meet him, I would kick him in the nuts for you.
But love is disgustingly stubborn.
Just don't stay in this mess because you don't know how to not exist outside of it.
all great comments. really.
if i consider first impressions, then he thinks i'm an exciting, sexy, and extremely drunk woman. and i think he's big, stupid, mean, and only good for a one-night-stand. but you're right about things not changing. they haven't and it's one of the things we talk about.
though he claims it is only sex he's after, i don't believe him. even he admits, that we have great sex and a lot of it, so there really is no need to look for more. i believe he just wants someone else. and i'd be so damn happy for him, if he had her. i just want him to let me fucking go.
there are always other options. i would have already left, and he knows it, but i am doing the practical thing and staying, until it becomes absolutely necessary for me to go. but what really keeps me here, is the fact that i love him. i'm pathetic. but at least i know it's not impossible for someone else to love me, though he would like me to believe that. i'm no longer blind to the damage he has done to my head. but i still feel like the weaker person. he still has way too much power over me. maybe i'll explain all of that one day. and then you can all see how really fucked up i am.