The Promiscuity Index
Women, eh? Fucked up. The lot of them. Now, I might just be saying that because I've been relentlessly fucked over by them the entirety of my life, but hey, I'm entitled to feel that way, and I'm certainly making no excuses when posting about it on a site called Love Is A Cunt.
Throughout my ventures in pubs, clubs, dates, flings, relationships and getting severely cunted, I've found that you really can generalise girls based on their promiscuity. I don't even mean a reasonable generalisation which is 'well, basically & mostly, girls are like this', I mean that all girls fall into one or more these sects. Almost all of these categories are shit.
At the risk of offending absolutely everybody, here is the index, ranked in order of how many guys they probably fucked last night.
1. Dappy Bints
Usually found already in a relationship with a gimp, dappy bints talk about the weather and other utterly non-interesting things. If you try and engage them in conversation at any level higher than nothing, they will flounder and attempt to avoid you. Almost any girl that thinks they can reverse park falls into this category. As far as sex goes, they don't give head. So what's the point?
2. Frigid Ice Queens
Never in a relationship because blokes just aren't good enough. You'll recognise one because she'll death stare if you so much as share the same airspace for too long. Usually very good looking, and unwilling to share themselves with a mere mortal, or very ugly, and mask this by thinking they never give the guy a chance. At 30 years of age, Frigid Ice Queens become Lesbians.
3. Flimsy Ice Queens
Same as (2), but give it a bit of effort and the barriers crumble. Crap in bed, because (i) they've not had the practice and (ii) they assume they're gorgeous enough to get you off just by lying there. Might as well fuck a corpse.
4. Slappers
Loud, braying pieces of walking tack who wear revealing clothes that might look good on a model, but not on girls that think looking attractive is all about how easy you appear. Not that they're actually easy. For all their talk of cheap sex in cheap places, they don't have the character or conviction to actually fuck people they like. Usually justify their sexual existence by the fact they could have fucked so-and-so. Ridiculous nonsense, much like the words that dribble from their (usually drunken, Chlamydia-infested) mouths.
5. Sluts
Like slappers, but more quiet and actually fuck guys they want to. Dance like they're having sex. Very good in bed. Take it up the arse. AIDS.
6. Whores
Much the same as slappers, except rather than not being able to fuck guys they like, they fuck any guy that likes them. Conflicted about their self-worth, they can yield interesting conversation, but if you don't at least try and shag them they'll assume you hate them. All whores contain Herpes.
7. Man-Eaters
Yes, there is a level above the whore! And these girls are to be feared - the ones that are the equivalent of a 'female player'. They will have had more partners than you'll ever bed (ever) by the time they're 25. All of them gone, swept under the carpet. Usually takes the facade of an innocent girl at around this age, getting ready to settle down. Her soul now resides in the deepest chasms of Hell. Obviously, you'll be shocked at how good the sex is, and also at how many abortions she's had.
Okay, that's it for girls. Personally, I'd go with sluts or man-eaters - girls that don't pussy-foot around their promiscuity as though it's anybody else's business. (though also, girls that will take a sledgehammer to your heart at the earliest possible convenience)
And blokes?
1. Bloke in Relationship
Wants to fuck. 0% chance of disease.
2. Bloke not in Relationship
Wants to fuck. 50% chance of disease.
Am I missing any out here? Let me know.
Post Mortem: See here for the more comprehensive Male Promiscuity Index.
Throughout my ventures in pubs, clubs, dates, flings, relationships and getting severely cunted, I've found that you really can generalise girls based on their promiscuity. I don't even mean a reasonable generalisation which is 'well, basically & mostly, girls are like this', I mean that all girls fall into one or more these sects. Almost all of these categories are shit.
At the risk of offending absolutely everybody, here is the index, ranked in order of how many guys they probably fucked last night.
1. Dappy Bints
Usually found already in a relationship with a gimp, dappy bints talk about the weather and other utterly non-interesting things. If you try and engage them in conversation at any level higher than nothing, they will flounder and attempt to avoid you. Almost any girl that thinks they can reverse park falls into this category. As far as sex goes, they don't give head. So what's the point?
2. Frigid Ice Queens
Never in a relationship because blokes just aren't good enough. You'll recognise one because she'll death stare if you so much as share the same airspace for too long. Usually very good looking, and unwilling to share themselves with a mere mortal, or very ugly, and mask this by thinking they never give the guy a chance. At 30 years of age, Frigid Ice Queens become Lesbians.
3. Flimsy Ice Queens
Same as (2), but give it a bit of effort and the barriers crumble. Crap in bed, because (i) they've not had the practice and (ii) they assume they're gorgeous enough to get you off just by lying there. Might as well fuck a corpse.
4. Slappers
Loud, braying pieces of walking tack who wear revealing clothes that might look good on a model, but not on girls that think looking attractive is all about how easy you appear. Not that they're actually easy. For all their talk of cheap sex in cheap places, they don't have the character or conviction to actually fuck people they like. Usually justify their sexual existence by the fact they could have fucked so-and-so. Ridiculous nonsense, much like the words that dribble from their (usually drunken, Chlamydia-infested) mouths.
5. Sluts
Like slappers, but more quiet and actually fuck guys they want to. Dance like they're having sex. Very good in bed. Take it up the arse. AIDS.
6. Whores
Much the same as slappers, except rather than not being able to fuck guys they like, they fuck any guy that likes them. Conflicted about their self-worth, they can yield interesting conversation, but if you don't at least try and shag them they'll assume you hate them. All whores contain Herpes.
7. Man-Eaters
Yes, there is a level above the whore! And these girls are to be feared - the ones that are the equivalent of a 'female player'. They will have had more partners than you'll ever bed (ever) by the time they're 25. All of them gone, swept under the carpet. Usually takes the facade of an innocent girl at around this age, getting ready to settle down. Her soul now resides in the deepest chasms of Hell. Obviously, you'll be shocked at how good the sex is, and also at how many abortions she's had.
Okay, that's it for girls. Personally, I'd go with sluts or man-eaters - girls that don't pussy-foot around their promiscuity as though it's anybody else's business. (though also, girls that will take a sledgehammer to your heart at the earliest possible convenience)
And blokes?
1. Bloke in Relationship
Wants to fuck. 0% chance of disease.
2. Bloke not in Relationship
Wants to fuck. 50% chance of disease.
Am I missing any out here? Let me know.
Post Mortem: See here for the more comprehensive Male Promiscuity Index.
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 1:49 pm
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yes, my dear, i think you forgot the married women. you know, the ones who are unhappy in their relationship, regardless of the fact that they fuck 3 times a day. but that emotional side seems to be missing, so they suck it out of poor helpless bastards, who get too close. they're fantastic in bed and will do anything, but they won't let you get that close anyway. and they don't have any diseases.
but what a stupid list. you can't put women into categories like that. especially not when there are only two for men. i can give you a precise analysis of various types of men, but what the fuck good is that?
do us a favor, yo, stay home and wank.
oh yeah, and fuck you
;-)
3.5 Married WomenEternally frustrated, nagging ne'er-do-wells that effect maturity which in reality is only their hugely tempered sexuality. Think they're adventurous in bed because they've taken it in X orifices in Y positions from the same boring bastard for years, but really speaking they're just vocally excusing the fact they've not been satisfyingly laid since the 'I do's. If you do get it on with one, they can be fun, because you're suddenly subjected to the myriad fantasies that've been brewing in her head while she's doing the dishes, but it all comes crashing down when you realise they have a family which is exactly seventeen billion times more important to them than you ever were. Self-serving, objectifying vampires.
;)
LOL! Excellent! That'll do.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
well, being one, i just don't think we are likely to have more diseases at all. because we get checked more often. and we take more precaution. ok, i've had one affair. afterwards i had myself checked out completely. no problmes. but i did that after, sometimes during, realtionships with my former boyfriends. but being with only one man for over 8 years, before sleeping with another, compared to women who fuck random blokes, i think it's safe to say, that the chances of me being clean are higher.