The LIAC Valentine's Poetry Contest
Right, it is my proposition that in preparation for this festive occasion we have a poetry contest. The rules are simple - you must create a poem based on the famous roses are red formula and end it in the most poisonous and virulent manner possible, hopefully coupled with some intellectual elements too. To kick things off, here are a few of my own ditties:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Love is a cunt
And I think you are too.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Guess what? I've got herpes
And I gave it to you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm screwing your best mate;
The rumours were true.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Why have one mistress
When it's more fun with two?
Et cetera...have fun.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Love is a cunt
And I think you are too.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Guess what? I've got herpes
And I gave it to you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm screwing your best mate;
The rumours were true.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Why have one mistress
When it's more fun with two?
Et cetera...have fun.
posted by Pallas Athene | 11:25 pm
Those are fucking funny. Nice...
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
My heart is now broken
And it's all down to you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
That slapper you fancy
Has got a dick too.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'd rather drink bleach
Than get/stay* married to you.
*delete as applicable
Rosie's are red,
Violet's are blue.
But your chancres, darling,
Are speckled in hue.
This is splendid stuff - as a prize for this proposed contest, the best of the bunch will go on e-cards similar to this one and propagated through the webosphere as part of a virulent publicity campaign.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
The DNA test
Says the father is you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
London's best divorce lawyer
Will be calling you.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Last month's child support payment
Is way overdue.
roses are red,
violets are blue,
i'm schizophrenic
and so am i
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I get so turned on
Just by thinking of him...um, no wait, I mean you, YOU.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
My beloved won't fuck me
So you'll have to do.
Roses are red
violets are blue
I made you my wife
But now I have two
(Or is it three….what shall I do?)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Next time we have sex
Can I use your mouth like a loo
Roses are red
Violets are blue
If I bring my best friend
Can he shag you too
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’ve left no forensic evidence
Of what I did to you
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Please clean your flaps/knob
Or I’m gonna spew
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You are hung like a horse so give us a screw!!!
Roses are red
Violets are grey
This is NOT
your lucky day.
Madeit myself, hope its ok!
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS ARE BLUE
SLEEP WITH ONE EYE CLOSED
NOT TWO!!!