Temptress in love?
Oh, so much to say. It's been a couple months since I've posted here on LIAC, my dears, and things are all topsy-turvy.
Last time I posted I talked about coincidentally hooking up with Co-worker 2 on the exact same day that Co-worker 1, my longtime crush object, broke up with his girlfriend. (See post from January 16 and the "foul temptress" posts in November and December.) Since then, everything's gotten scrambled and confused and ended up...lovely.
***
CW2, who shall henceforce be renamed Carlos, turned into a colossal piece of crap after the initial lovey-dovey phase. For the first month or so that we dated, Carlos showered me with attention and praise. He was pretty much the perfect boyfriend, except that I never quite bought it. He was just too good.
One night as we got into bed, Carlos whispered, "You're so beautiful, Girlwithaknife." Nice, right? No. This was possibly 126,375th time Carlos had told me this.
Being a little drunk and sassy that night, I whispered back, "I wish you wouldn't say that so much."
"Why not?" he shot back.
"Because after a while it rings hollow," I replied calmly.
"Don't doubt my sincerity!" he snapped.
"I don't..." I said sleepily, and snuggled into the covers.
We never had sex again after that. He never again told me I was beautiful. He dumped me a few weeks later for the stupidest of reasons. (Because I smoke occasionally.)
Topping it all off, we'd planned a trip together to a music festival in mid-March. I'd agreed to cover the festival for a couple of publications, and so couldn't back out of going. I also couldn't afford a hotel room by myself. And thus, Carlos and I spent last week together in Texas. It went surprisingly well. I think we both knew that our brief relationship ended when it should've. We even managed to have a little fun together.
***
I got back to Denver on Monday. That night, Co-worker 1, who shall henceforth be called Joe, wanted to meet up and get all the dish on the festival. Though I was wiped out from the previous five days of music, beer and sleep deprivation, I obliged. Joe, after all, was the one I had pined for so desperately back in the early winter, before Carlos and before Joe's breakup. In the last couple months we'd become even closer as friends, giving each other advice on our respective romantic situations.
Two beers turned into five, and shots of whiskey were produced. We stumbled from the bar at closing time and reeled back to his apartment. Exhausted, I plunked onto the couch. Joe plunked next to me. I think you can imagine what happened next.
It was as good as I ever thought it could be.
No, we didn't do the big dirty deed. Not even close. We made out for the next three hours before passing out in each other's arms.
Tuesday night he cooked me dinner and we shared a bottle of wine. He confessed that he'd wanted me ever since we first started hanging out last fall. We laughed about how obvious we both were about it, and how strenuously we'd had to deny our mutual attraction when we hung out together.
Last night we met for drinks, but went to bed early. He left for a trip to New York this morning. Just got a text from him..."missing u terribly already."
I am so happy. I feel so lucky.
I can't even bring myself to engage in my usual self-deprecation and doomsaying. This is not to say that there aren't tiny nuggets of fear and doubt lurking in the recesses of my naturally pessimistic brain. They're just getting drowned out by this unbelievable sensation of contentment. I've never felt this before.
***
"Such beautiful frustration. What tantalizing temptation. How glorious to think of kissing your handsome, smooth neck with your arms around my waist. How wonderful to imagine gazing into your gigantic blue eyes as you gaze back into mine, undeniable smiles curving the corners of our mouths.
I can see our cuddlesome mornings in bed with perfect clarity. I can hear my own loud laughter echoing in my bedroom when you say something sleepy and funny. I can hear it drifting down the hall and annoying my roommate in the living room. Cupping your face in my hands and gently kissing you...nuzzling against your chest...kissing your stomach, just below the belly button...stroking your soft hair. It's all there, as vivid as this morning..."
I wrote that little fantasy in a post here on December 11th. I've spent the last few nights doing all of those things to Joe in real life, and it's so much better than I fantasized three months ago. His skin is the most delicious thing I've ever felt, his kisses are meltingly fantastic.
I honestly can't believe this is happening to me.
***
All right. Warn me of the cuntishness to come. Parade around me wearing hair shirts and carrying signs proclaiming "THE END IS NIGH!" As I'm sure you all know, I won't listen to a word of it.
Sigh. Float on.
Last time I posted I talked about coincidentally hooking up with Co-worker 2 on the exact same day that Co-worker 1, my longtime crush object, broke up with his girlfriend. (See post from January 16 and the "foul temptress" posts in November and December.) Since then, everything's gotten scrambled and confused and ended up...lovely.
***
CW2, who shall henceforce be renamed Carlos, turned into a colossal piece of crap after the initial lovey-dovey phase. For the first month or so that we dated, Carlos showered me with attention and praise. He was pretty much the perfect boyfriend, except that I never quite bought it. He was just too good.
One night as we got into bed, Carlos whispered, "You're so beautiful, Girlwithaknife." Nice, right? No. This was possibly 126,375th time Carlos had told me this.
Being a little drunk and sassy that night, I whispered back, "I wish you wouldn't say that so much."
"Why not?" he shot back.
"Because after a while it rings hollow," I replied calmly.
"Don't doubt my sincerity!" he snapped.
"I don't..." I said sleepily, and snuggled into the covers.
We never had sex again after that. He never again told me I was beautiful. He dumped me a few weeks later for the stupidest of reasons. (Because I smoke occasionally.)
Topping it all off, we'd planned a trip together to a music festival in mid-March. I'd agreed to cover the festival for a couple of publications, and so couldn't back out of going. I also couldn't afford a hotel room by myself. And thus, Carlos and I spent last week together in Texas. It went surprisingly well. I think we both knew that our brief relationship ended when it should've. We even managed to have a little fun together.
***
I got back to Denver on Monday. That night, Co-worker 1, who shall henceforth be called Joe, wanted to meet up and get all the dish on the festival. Though I was wiped out from the previous five days of music, beer and sleep deprivation, I obliged. Joe, after all, was the one I had pined for so desperately back in the early winter, before Carlos and before Joe's breakup. In the last couple months we'd become even closer as friends, giving each other advice on our respective romantic situations.
Two beers turned into five, and shots of whiskey were produced. We stumbled from the bar at closing time and reeled back to his apartment. Exhausted, I plunked onto the couch. Joe plunked next to me. I think you can imagine what happened next.
It was as good as I ever thought it could be.
No, we didn't do the big dirty deed. Not even close. We made out for the next three hours before passing out in each other's arms.
Tuesday night he cooked me dinner and we shared a bottle of wine. He confessed that he'd wanted me ever since we first started hanging out last fall. We laughed about how obvious we both were about it, and how strenuously we'd had to deny our mutual attraction when we hung out together.
Last night we met for drinks, but went to bed early. He left for a trip to New York this morning. Just got a text from him..."missing u terribly already."
I am so happy. I feel so lucky.
I can't even bring myself to engage in my usual self-deprecation and doomsaying. This is not to say that there aren't tiny nuggets of fear and doubt lurking in the recesses of my naturally pessimistic brain. They're just getting drowned out by this unbelievable sensation of contentment. I've never felt this before.
***
"Such beautiful frustration. What tantalizing temptation. How glorious to think of kissing your handsome, smooth neck with your arms around my waist. How wonderful to imagine gazing into your gigantic blue eyes as you gaze back into mine, undeniable smiles curving the corners of our mouths.
I can see our cuddlesome mornings in bed with perfect clarity. I can hear my own loud laughter echoing in my bedroom when you say something sleepy and funny. I can hear it drifting down the hall and annoying my roommate in the living room. Cupping your face in my hands and gently kissing you...nuzzling against your chest...kissing your stomach, just below the belly button...stroking your soft hair. It's all there, as vivid as this morning..."
I wrote that little fantasy in a post here on December 11th. I've spent the last few nights doing all of those things to Joe in real life, and it's so much better than I fantasized three months ago. His skin is the most delicious thing I've ever felt, his kisses are meltingly fantastic.
I honestly can't believe this is happening to me.
***
All right. Warn me of the cuntishness to come. Parade around me wearing hair shirts and carrying signs proclaiming "THE END IS NIGH!" As I'm sure you all know, I won't listen to a word of it.
Sigh. Float on.
posted by Kathleen | 9:11 pm
wow...either liac's dead or you're all totally stunned by my post.
where's the wave of hatred i so anticipated?
*sigh*
*skids in*
I've actually been trying to comment on this for a while, but fucking blogger is a fucking fuck.
Anyway, it was something along the lines of:
Actually, I think that's great. Beautiful, in fact. The way it's all documented on here, and that you're now fulfilling - literally - your dreams. But most silver linings come with clouds or tacky furnishings, so let's hope you don't lose him the way you got him. Whilst your own morals have been impeccable, the fact he "obviously" fancied you whilst with someone else could set alarm bells ringing...
nicely designed blog