Gothic Cunt
Dark, red fingers of chaotic thought-forms tease apart my fibres of flesh, whilst a creeping hunger taunts me with maddening eyes that peer out of the inky blackness. I mouth your name and it is swallowed by the darkness. I taste you with every part of my body, and I shiver as regret pours itself into me and dances with the chaos, mingling together into colours of staggering beauty. I feel my whole body weep with unadulterated longing. I form a smile of bittersweet memories as the tears flow freely, and the madness creeps closer, tearing at the thin fibres that house my carefully balanced levels of seratonin, letting the chemical seep gently into my body, and leaving an aching cavity of regret steeped in burnt ochre.
I love you. But I am trapped by this love, trapped by the hunger, by the cunt of hope retarding my forward motion with two, tiny but oh! so deadly words: "what if". "What if", whispers to me in the dead of night, and plays with my perceptions of reality, twisting from the darkness a deadly nymph, who beckons me to leap off a dangerously high precipice. "It’s safe", she whispers. "Come". And, mesmerised by her, I remain undaunted that, once I leap I will fall to the ground, a bloody corpse with dreams unlived. It is her who guides me to call you. It is she who lets me sit with my pain and yet fills me with a small fist of hope, when all hope should be abandoned. I am abandoned. I abandon my pride, my sense of self, and unravel as I dial your number into the sleek portal direct to hell. I know you will come over with corrosive lust and ravaged hunger in your blackened heart. I know that when you leave, I will feel this all over again. And, I also know that this knowledge will make me savour you, taste you, drink you in fiercely until my thirst is slaked.
For now, at least, the nymph smiles and relaxes her grip. But she will be back, and I will continue this macabre and tortured dance until I can stand it no longer, and the dark nymph lovingly encloses me with her wings and I fall asleep never to awaken.
I love you. But I am trapped by this love, trapped by the hunger, by the cunt of hope retarding my forward motion with two, tiny but oh! so deadly words: "what if". "What if", whispers to me in the dead of night, and plays with my perceptions of reality, twisting from the darkness a deadly nymph, who beckons me to leap off a dangerously high precipice. "It’s safe", she whispers. "Come". And, mesmerised by her, I remain undaunted that, once I leap I will fall to the ground, a bloody corpse with dreams unlived. It is her who guides me to call you. It is she who lets me sit with my pain and yet fills me with a small fist of hope, when all hope should be abandoned. I am abandoned. I abandon my pride, my sense of self, and unravel as I dial your number into the sleek portal direct to hell. I know you will come over with corrosive lust and ravaged hunger in your blackened heart. I know that when you leave, I will feel this all over again. And, I also know that this knowledge will make me savour you, taste you, drink you in fiercely until my thirst is slaked.
For now, at least, the nymph smiles and relaxes her grip. But she will be back, and I will continue this macabre and tortured dance until I can stand it no longer, and the dark nymph lovingly encloses me with her wings and I fall asleep never to awaken.
posted by Anonymous | 7:30 pm
I am new to reading these sites, so I am a little unsure of what a comment like this is supposed to say, or should I say what I think you want me to say. I think your use of description is imaginative and the sustained voice shows discipline. I am a little uneasy about the subject matter, but then I think that is intended. . .or it should be. If not, it says something about me then. Well, that is the paradigm after all, the communication paradigm that is. I don't want to comment on the symbolic significance of this, but I find the possible meaning very revealing and quiet titillating, in an addictive sort of way, but then that's what it's all about after all, it seems.
Not a freak, that struck a chord with me. Then again, I am a freak. But still, always good to channel the ecliptic pain into new and pretty artforms.
Sometimes I think that's all this site is. A receptacle which turns pain into something livable and beautiful.
Then sometimes I think it's just a cool place where everybody says rude words all the time. Hee!