Waking up...
Some days (especially true on weekends) you don't feel like waking up at all...simply because you have nothing to do on that day or you just don't have anyone special to spend it with. And thus you go back to sleep, hoping somehow that you never have to wake up feeling that kind of emptiness or hollowness.
And sleep can be blessing this way, engulfing you in dreams after dreams after dreams. A myriad of colours and visions and people that goes spiraling and twirling until your mind demand that you wake up and grant it consciousness. And you jerk awake panting, drenched in sweat. Wondering about the intensity of every dream that you still remember.
And then you remember again that you have just woken up to another senseless and joyless existence. The world is one big fuckin' Matrix really.
I miss the days and nights when I wake up next to someone, hearing her soft snore, smiling at her familiar sweet smell and the beautiful face. And I give her a kiss on the forehead before going back to sleep, feeling nothing but utter bliss and joy, because I know that she will be there in my arms when I open my eyes next.
And funnily enough, there will never be dreams then. Just a black time hole transporting the consciousness from night to day or day to night. And then you wake up to sunshine and joy.
I woke up this morning to a Tigger doll, a cubic soft toy with 'Congratulations' written all over it, and a square pillow with the word 'A lot of love.'
If God is up there, He sure have a great sense of humor.
And sleep can be blessing this way, engulfing you in dreams after dreams after dreams. A myriad of colours and visions and people that goes spiraling and twirling until your mind demand that you wake up and grant it consciousness. And you jerk awake panting, drenched in sweat. Wondering about the intensity of every dream that you still remember.
And then you remember again that you have just woken up to another senseless and joyless existence. The world is one big fuckin' Matrix really.
I miss the days and nights when I wake up next to someone, hearing her soft snore, smiling at her familiar sweet smell and the beautiful face. And I give her a kiss on the forehead before going back to sleep, feeling nothing but utter bliss and joy, because I know that she will be there in my arms when I open my eyes next.
And funnily enough, there will never be dreams then. Just a black time hole transporting the consciousness from night to day or day to night. And then you wake up to sunshine and joy.
I woke up this morning to a Tigger doll, a cubic soft toy with 'Congratulations' written all over it, and a square pillow with the word 'A lot of love.'
If God is up there, He sure have a great sense of humor.
posted by Elessar Avenflame | 12:35 pm
One can influence reality to provoke sleep. One cannot influence dreams to help waking. Mornings are worst, as dreams don't move on.
Try telling that to the chronic romantic insominiac, who spend endless nights trying to bury and cap their sad sick memories and feelings just long to invite sleep. Only to wake up the next morning and wish they were dead instead.
Dude, I've been there. You can overcome insomnia:
Get up at 6am, go to gym, shower, go to work, work your fucking arse off, have heated argument at lunchtime before going swimming, get back to work, work, work, go home, eat a huge meal whilst learning something new (Japanese, say), call parents/in-laws and have heated argument about something trivial, whilst still fuming read Eco/Borges/Shakespeare/etc. and down clinically dangerous amounts of alcohol until you can't help but sleep.
Repeat, with hangover, the next day. Insomnia? Pfft.
I've found unlike sales of goods, life comes with no guarantee or requirements for quality. We're thrown off the diving board, learn to swim very suddenly, and spend the next 80 or so years negotiating sharks or angels depending on the chapter or scene God's written.
I can and have been positive, but I can sure relate to your negative as well.