I don't know if I love him.
One of the most common, confusion-related statements in the world. Right up there with “I don’t know if there's an afterlife” and “I don’t know if your fucking shoes match the fucking dress just put them the fuck on and let’s go you ugly uncoordinated bitch”.
We've all had the "I don't know if I love [the poor craphead you're going out with]" conundrum in relationships. Love, by its nature, is esoteric, new and different in each case. But be a confused fuckhead no more. Help is at hand - because I know exactly whether or not this statement means you love him.
Yep. Check it:
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve never loved him and want to keep going:
I don’t know if I love him means you don’t.
If you’re in a once-loving relationship you want to keep going:
I don’t know if I love him means you don’t.
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve never loved him and want it to end:
I don’t know if I love him means you don’t.
If you’re in a once-loving relationship and want it to end:
I don’t know if I love him means you do.
It’s that easy, that simple and that fucked up.
Next Week: I explain what a girl means by “get away from me or I’ll call the police”.
PS Yes, this post could’ve been titled and followed up as “I don’t know if I love her”, with exactly the same result. But it just looks stupid saying him/her everywhere and I’m not jumping through your PC hoops, so shove it hard and pull the trigger, thanks.
We've all had the "I don't know if I love [the poor craphead you're going out with]" conundrum in relationships. Love, by its nature, is esoteric, new and different in each case. But be a confused fuckhead no more. Help is at hand - because I know exactly whether or not this statement means you love him.
Yep. Check it:
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve never loved him and want to keep going:
I don’t know if I love him means you don’t.
If you’re in a once-loving relationship you want to keep going:
I don’t know if I love him means you don’t.
If you’re in a relationship where you’ve never loved him and want it to end:
I don’t know if I love him means you don’t.
If you’re in a once-loving relationship and want it to end:
I don’t know if I love him means you do.
It’s that easy, that simple and that fucked up.
Next Week: I explain what a girl means by “get away from me or I’ll call the police”.
PS Yes, this post could’ve been titled and followed up as “I don’t know if I love her”, with exactly the same result. But it just looks stupid saying him/her everywhere and I’m not jumping through your PC hoops, so shove it hard and pull the trigger, thanks.
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 12:31 pm
Yeah, I'd say that's about right.
Now, will you marry me?
You know I think of us both as dreadfully bright, but frankly, this I don't get.
Numbers 1 and 3 make sense. Numbers 2 and 4 don't - at least not without more clarification.
*shrug*
I assure you there is an afterlife--of a sort--for some. However, you have left a little out of your otherwise penetrating analysis:
I don't know if I love him, regardless of when it is uttered, can also mean you still need certain parts of him, if not the heart or soul. Those often come quite blunted and dulled, without impairing the desire for only a particularly piercing part of an otherwise worthless git.
Arranging that bit of fuckery is Eros' speciality.
PS. A hint: bearing the above in mind, Get away from me or I will call the police means I have now bought a vibrator, and I am not afraid to use it.
If you "don't know" then you don't (and likely never did), but you have ulterior motives for continued pursuit. This doesn't mean that you won't someday succumb to the emotional slaughterhouse, but at the time of uttering such a query the involvement has been of another nature. Lust, addiction, greed, covetousness; all might explain the heretofore experienced attraction.
Either dive into the razorblade soup right then or back off and save some scar tissue for next time around.
Vicky: I assume that was an April Fool's... If not, then yeah okay.
Tree:
(i) If you're going out with someone you know you loved and want to stay with them yet no longer know if you love them, then you don't. You would know if you did.
(ii) If you know you loved someone and are trying to end your relationship with them, but still can't say you don't love them anymore, then you still do.
You would know if you didn't.
Eros: I'm not sure one would ponder the heavy, frightening confusion of "I don't know if I love him" just because one wants a good porking.
Erronius: I think people genuinely don't know, sometimes.
"a good porking"?
Tsk tsk.. How little you know of my rites, which are not of the flesh alone.
"... can also mean you still need certain parts of him, if not the heart or soul."
I assumed you meant a shag. Oral, at a push.
As i say....as above, so below.
Are you going to explain what you meant at some point, or do your rites include being completely vague and cryptic?