Foul temptress.
These days, I'm coming to understand my capacity for evil.
I have a desperate crush on a co-worker. We chat all day long via email, to the exclusion of our actual work. We take cigarette breaks once or twice a day, where we continue our discussions. Sometimes we have two or three email threads going at a time, each with a different topic.
We've only met up outside work twice. The first time was for my lame birthday celebration, which he attended with...his live-in girlfriend of two years. A week later, Co-worker and I went to a show so we could jointly write a review of it. We ended up getting completely plastered and sitting on my couch having a nightcap and listening to Interpol. There were some tense moments. I tucked him into bed on the couch to keep him from driving home schnockered. He touched my leg and gazed at me in wonder as I covered him with a blanket.
My instinct: Yank off his glasses, straddle him, kiss him until he can't breathe.
Instead, I gave him a peck on the forehead and gently removed his glasses. I wished him good night and went to brush my teeth.
When I finished, I found him putting his coat on in the living room, insisting that he had to go. I relented and let him leave. On the way out, he kept giving me hugs. Long hugs. The elevator came and went a couple times.
The whole time I knew that I was being evil. I knew I was deliberately leading him into temptation. I was totally pissing on his girlfriend, who is a nice, interesting young lady and totally deserving of such a lovely boyfriend. I could feel how weak he was, from alcohol and from my subtle wiles...
But he eventually exited without incident. He got in big trouble with his lady when he stumbled in the door at 3:30 am. The fact that he'd been out with me got him in deeper.
We're planning on getting drunk together sometime this week. It's certainly possible that his girlfriend will come with us, but I tend to doubt it, as she works a lot.
I'm already contemplating how I can get him to kiss me. A flood of alcohol is key. Plenty of sleep the night before. A stomach full of food so I don't get too drunk - I need to keep my wits about me. I know he wants to rip my clothes off as much as I want to divest him of his, but if I get too sloppy my motives will be transparent. I have to woo him with "friendship," blinding him with my unspeakable coolness and trenchant wit.
Every now and again, a little voice tells me that this is not a good idea. Let's say we end up making out: Once he sobers up, he'll feel horrifically guilty. He will probably then avoid me for ever and all time. I'll feel terrible for throwing a wrench in the works of his fine relationship. Our friendship will be ruined.
I tune all this out in favor of dazzling fantasies of the spectacular sex we'd have.
I think part of me wants to punish him and his girlfriend for having the kind of relationship I've always wanted, but never had. I want to stomp on their cuntish love and grind it into the dirt for existing. I want them to feel as lonely as I do, alone in my bed every night. I am every woman's worst nightmare - the lonely, horny single girl with her sights set on Your Man.
I continue to plot against him.
I have a desperate crush on a co-worker. We chat all day long via email, to the exclusion of our actual work. We take cigarette breaks once or twice a day, where we continue our discussions. Sometimes we have two or three email threads going at a time, each with a different topic.
We've only met up outside work twice. The first time was for my lame birthday celebration, which he attended with...his live-in girlfriend of two years. A week later, Co-worker and I went to a show so we could jointly write a review of it. We ended up getting completely plastered and sitting on my couch having a nightcap and listening to Interpol. There were some tense moments. I tucked him into bed on the couch to keep him from driving home schnockered. He touched my leg and gazed at me in wonder as I covered him with a blanket.
My instinct: Yank off his glasses, straddle him, kiss him until he can't breathe.
Instead, I gave him a peck on the forehead and gently removed his glasses. I wished him good night and went to brush my teeth.
When I finished, I found him putting his coat on in the living room, insisting that he had to go. I relented and let him leave. On the way out, he kept giving me hugs. Long hugs. The elevator came and went a couple times.
The whole time I knew that I was being evil. I knew I was deliberately leading him into temptation. I was totally pissing on his girlfriend, who is a nice, interesting young lady and totally deserving of such a lovely boyfriend. I could feel how weak he was, from alcohol and from my subtle wiles...
But he eventually exited without incident. He got in big trouble with his lady when he stumbled in the door at 3:30 am. The fact that he'd been out with me got him in deeper.
We're planning on getting drunk together sometime this week. It's certainly possible that his girlfriend will come with us, but I tend to doubt it, as she works a lot.
I'm already contemplating how I can get him to kiss me. A flood of alcohol is key. Plenty of sleep the night before. A stomach full of food so I don't get too drunk - I need to keep my wits about me. I know he wants to rip my clothes off as much as I want to divest him of his, but if I get too sloppy my motives will be transparent. I have to woo him with "friendship," blinding him with my unspeakable coolness and trenchant wit.
Every now and again, a little voice tells me that this is not a good idea. Let's say we end up making out: Once he sobers up, he'll feel horrifically guilty. He will probably then avoid me for ever and all time. I'll feel terrible for throwing a wrench in the works of his fine relationship. Our friendship will be ruined.
I tune all this out in favor of dazzling fantasies of the spectacular sex we'd have.
I think part of me wants to punish him and his girlfriend for having the kind of relationship I've always wanted, but never had. I want to stomp on their cuntish love and grind it into the dirt for existing. I want them to feel as lonely as I do, alone in my bed every night. I am every woman's worst nightmare - the lonely, horny single girl with her sights set on Your Man.
I continue to plot against him.
posted by Kathleen | 5:21 pm
*If* I had a girlfriend, then I wouldn't want to remove all temptation in order that she stayed faithful. If she's going to cheat, I'd want to face that head-on.
So evil people like you, I think, are testing the strength of flimsy relationships. You drag the smirking gremlin of cuntitude into the limelight and let the blinded fuckheads that think they're lovers gaze on his warped, spastic features with confusion and horror.
I like it.
Sorry, I missed the bit where I was full of shit?
It's a cunt-eat-cunt world out there, and I've had my share of stealing girlfriends and having them stolen from me. It's not even an evil dynamic. How can it be evil to want someone and go out and get them? If anything, the evil is in the weak-willed partners that sod over their relationships for cheap flings, or fuck over the people that love them by not giving fair warning that their relationship is hurtling into the abyss.
I think, though, the real evil is in love itself, and the blindness it creates against such fuckeries.
I'll keep you updated.
We've been emailing today, though not with the usual frequency. I think he had a romantic weekend with his girlfriend.
Curses!
But I shall bide my time...muahahahaha!
;)
Oh yeah, and I watched "The Office" for the first time this weekend.
I am now completely in love with Tim. I know how he feels. *sniff!*
Did you watch the UK or US version?
I *suspect* the latter is rubbish, though I'm eager to see it so I can slate it with full force.
And yes, I was about to say, careful you don't fall into your own traps and spear yourself into love with him. And then watch as he swans around with his beloved right in front of you. I've seen that cunt-up a few too many times...
There are two different versions?!? Crap.
Well, I guess I must be watching the US version. Why would they put out two different versions? Is the US version "cleaner" or something? I mean, it's an unrated DVD...Tim calls Gareth a cock loud and clear...
I went and looked at my Netflix queue and it didn't say whether it was a US or UK version.
Puzzling.
There was a documentary on the series, here in the UK, and it said there was to be a US remake. Not sure if it's been done yet, though.
If you have it on DVD, it may well be the UK version. If Martin Freeman is playing your fantasy boyfriend then you have the right version.
And you have read this, right? Or is this all just a massively random coincidence?
It's the same show, then. They haven't put out an American remake of the show yet, but when they do you can bet that I won't be watching it. I'm sure it'll suck completely.
And it won't have the adorable Martin Freeman in it, so it will be worthless to me. I'm sure "Tim" will be played by an impossibly handsome young Ken doll instead of an endearing little Englishman with slightly greasy hair.
Hm, I hadn't read your earlier post about "The Office," so it is a coincidence. I guess my little office romance is somewhat Tim and Dawn-like, but I'm not quite as puppy-eyed as Tim is. Yet.