The practical side
Illegible commented that my marriage does not sound like true love. Honestly, whose does? Our relationship my be friendship at best. We've been together for about 9 years. Love tends to become less heated and passionate and turns into familiarity, practicality, closeness, and friendship. We are the best of friends. We have become so used to each other, that the thought of life with out one another is much like the thought of losing an appendage. In many ways, we are one. If you were to observe us, even in our most private and intimate moments, you would think that we are very much in love. This is why I do not understand what is missing and why we both fill the need to fill that gap with someone else.
I don't know what true love is. I imagine it is much like Romeo and Juliet, something tragic. Love like that is something you seriously have to kill yourself for, because chances are it won't last. It will eventually become just love.
I always wanted a love like Taming of the Shrew. I am the shrew. To say that I am difficult is an understatement. My husband deserves a fucking medal for lasting this long. So, I have my Shakespeare love. But, I also wanted a person I need to touch, a person who needs to touch me, a person who thinks I am the most beautiful creature in the world and that they feel like a light goes on everytime I enter the room. I don't have that.
My husband sees love in a very practical and logical way. When I ask my husband if he loves me, I want him to pull me into his arms and list the reasons why he does. Instead, I get, "Of course I do. I work to take care of you...blablabla."
Don't get me wrong, I feel that the practical side of love is very important. I just worry, that it's all that's keeping us together.
I don't know what true love is. I imagine it is much like Romeo and Juliet, something tragic. Love like that is something you seriously have to kill yourself for, because chances are it won't last. It will eventually become just love.
I always wanted a love like Taming of the Shrew. I am the shrew. To say that I am difficult is an understatement. My husband deserves a fucking medal for lasting this long. So, I have my Shakespeare love. But, I also wanted a person I need to touch, a person who needs to touch me, a person who thinks I am the most beautiful creature in the world and that they feel like a light goes on everytime I enter the room. I don't have that.
My husband sees love in a very practical and logical way. When I ask my husband if he loves me, I want him to pull me into his arms and list the reasons why he does. Instead, I get, "Of course I do. I work to take care of you...blablabla."
Don't get me wrong, I feel that the practical side of love is very important. I just worry, that it's all that's keeping us together.
posted by pillowfeather | 10:00 am
you're lusting after a fairy tale, not real life.
your husband is doing the best he can to show you that he loves you, but working hard to take care of you, and all that other stuff that you so easily dismissed with a "blah blah blah". most women would kill to find a man who was willing to work hard to support them, and you seem to take it for granted.
you're both looking for that infatuation that comes with first love. you're both looking for that excitement, that "i cant get enough of you" feeling, that "star crossed lovers" romance. but thats not what love is. its infatuation; mild obsession that fades away after the first year or so. the reason you both feel the need to fill that gap with someone else is because that is the easiest way to regain that first blush of infatuation -- with someone new.
what you both need is a solid dose of reality. infatuation does not last. nor is it worth cheating on the one you love. it is not worth ruining a relationship which already embodies everything that a lasting relationship should have. you have friendship. you have closeness. you have familiarity, and practicality, and love.
how can you possibly want for more, when most of the world doesnt even have that much?
maybe instead of focusing on what you dont have, the both of you should start focusing on what you do have, and stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.
oh sweet tess, that's what we're doing. none of you seem to get, that i love my husband deeply. and that i'm very grateful for this realtionship. i'm not looking for a fairy tale, because as i pointed out, my husband is my fairy tale love. i admire my husband for all that he is and all that he does. i didn't mean to make his efforts sound trivial.
i am simply working out the problems in my marriage, most of which are deeply rooted to my childhood. i am becoming like my mother, and like her mother. there seems to be a restlessness inside of me. i want to be happy with the love that i have, because i feel no other man would even come close to my husband. i have a hard time dealing with the FACT that he secretly looked for someone else. i felt worthless. i have not come out of that yet.
i choose to display only parts of the problems here. i choose to make myself look worse than him. i choose not to tell the things he does to belittle me and hurt me. i write what i write to fight for my realtionship. i only show that it is flawed, but we work on it.
i said that if you were to see us, you would think that we are very much in love. that is not a lie or a facade. we do love each other. and both of us are dealing with holding on to this realtionship in different ways. i don't expect any of you to fully understand my realtionship. i don't mind you givng your opinion, but i can't take it at face value, because you only read one small piece.
infatuation can last longer than a year. there are still times i feel butterflies in my stomach and the need to touch him. i still look at him with eyes that say "i love you." i tell him how how much i love him. i hold him. none of that is pretend.
sometimes i purposefully don't do these things for awhile, no matter how hard it is on me. and he starts to complain, because he misses it. and we're talking about a number of days here. i've gone years without that love. and that is the love i need and deserve. i am just that type of person.
i'm sure i haven't explained that correctly. but i guess it doesn't matter. you all overlooked that i don't want, never watnted romeo. i always wanted taming of the shrew and that is what i have. and you all seem to overlook that i am defending my relationship. and you all seem to overlook that i've been hurt badly and suffering i still try to hold on.
I didn't mean any offence. I don't propose to know since I have never been married and can only imagine the trials and tribulations. I have a lot of respect for you both for trying to make it work.