Happy Monday Everyone!

People celebrate Monday!!!

P. Stoff reports from Paris

People across the world celebrated the coming of Monday today in their droves - also known as the first day of the week.

"I really don't understand all these cynical dissenters who say it's just another day of the week," said office tea boy Roger Styles, "I mean, it only comes once every seven days - we won't have another opportunity to celebrate it for some time."

Office workers travelled miles to congregate in the City for the occasion and showed their good feeling by exchanging hungover grunts and cups of coffee at the counter in Starbucks, a ritual that dates back centuries. This week, record expenditure was reported on festive items such as coffee, American muffins and pretzels.

"I hate all these people who say it's just an opportunity for pisspoor coffee companies to cash in," said Starbucks spokeswoman, Laetitia Morris, "This is no Hallmark holiday. Every day should be a Monday. Of course we don't hike up prices just for the occasion - I mean, who wouldn't pay £3.75 for what is essentially a cup of mediocre coffee? You just don't love yourself enough if you don't."

The history behind the Monday festival (originally called the First Day) goes back billions of years to the days of the Big Bang, when God first said 'Let there be light." However, capitalist occidental culture eventually filched the holiday for itself, so nowadays the festival has become synonymous with early starts and a groggy hungover return to the putrescent plague-ridden bowels of underground trains.


My apologies to Private Eye Magazine...