Going to hell in a fast car.
A comment from our beloved JiB on my last post got me to thinkin'. "Hope you're not a rebound," he piped up in his usual blunt manner.
Now, I've certainly been plagued by this question, and well before JiBsy brought it up. As previously discussed, Joe's live-in ex-girlfriend left him in mid-January. That's just about three months ago. That's not very long. I'd only been single for TEN DAYS before we hooked up three weeks ago. (My previous relationship lasted just a couple of months and was a bunch of bullshit.)
I think I probably am a rebound girlfriend, but is that necessarily a bad thing? Do rebound relationships ever work out OK, or is disaster inevitable?
The other night Joe and I had a discussion while lying in bed after a round of mind-blowing sex. I confessed how I'd been hesitant to change my Relationship Status on Myspace to "In a Relationship" on my profile. (So lame and dorky, I know.) I told him that I'm not at all interested in dating anyone else, and that it seems to me like we're "together," but for some reason it just didn't feel right to smack the big "IN A RELATIONSHIP!" label on it so soon.
He confessed that he felt that same thing, and told me that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, either. He also said that "this is too important to me, and I want to make sure we don't screw it up somehow."
That sounds good, right? A positive sign? I don't fuckin' know. This is all new shit to me. I really, honestly have never dated someone I like this much and I'm totally clueless and scared. Right now, for example, I want to take a week off from him and get my head on straight. Not that I think that would necessarily solve the problem - I'd probably spend the whole week thinking about him and wanting to call off the moratorium.
I dunno. Maybe I just need a day or two to catch my breath.
***
And then I have these moments of sheer bliss that make it all seem OK. I watch him sleep and marvel at how beautiful he is. Tears well up in my eyes and I can't believe his ex would throw him away. How could she do that to him? It hurts me to think of how much she hurt him, even though he claims that their breakup was a long time coming.
Still, I'm glad she's such a stupid fuckin' cunt that she let him go, because now he's mine mine mine.
We have these insane laughing fits that are just too much fun. Lying in bed together, we talk in stupid voices and re-enact funny bits of movies and TV shows and make up bizarre stories and we laugh and laugh, cackle, and then laugh some more. (We spend lots of time in bed, you see.)
I've started noticing some of his more subtle mannerisms, like the way he uses his hands (and freakin' arms) to describe things precisely when he tells a story. He always eats everything on his plate, though the fucker is rail-thin. He uses a toothbrush with hard bristles.
I like all of these things.
***
Do I focus on these things I like (love?) about him and just live for the moment? I think I should do that.
Also, I totally agree with your diagram, JiB. Everything's fucked! Hooray!
Now, I've certainly been plagued by this question, and well before JiBsy brought it up. As previously discussed, Joe's live-in ex-girlfriend left him in mid-January. That's just about three months ago. That's not very long. I'd only been single for TEN DAYS before we hooked up three weeks ago. (My previous relationship lasted just a couple of months and was a bunch of bullshit.)
I think I probably am a rebound girlfriend, but is that necessarily a bad thing? Do rebound relationships ever work out OK, or is disaster inevitable?
The other night Joe and I had a discussion while lying in bed after a round of mind-blowing sex. I confessed how I'd been hesitant to change my Relationship Status on Myspace to "In a Relationship" on my profile. (So lame and dorky, I know.) I told him that I'm not at all interested in dating anyone else, and that it seems to me like we're "together," but for some reason it just didn't feel right to smack the big "IN A RELATIONSHIP!" label on it so soon.
He confessed that he felt that same thing, and told me that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone else, either. He also said that "this is too important to me, and I want to make sure we don't screw it up somehow."
That sounds good, right? A positive sign? I don't fuckin' know. This is all new shit to me. I really, honestly have never dated someone I like this much and I'm totally clueless and scared. Right now, for example, I want to take a week off from him and get my head on straight. Not that I think that would necessarily solve the problem - I'd probably spend the whole week thinking about him and wanting to call off the moratorium.
I dunno. Maybe I just need a day or two to catch my breath.
***
And then I have these moments of sheer bliss that make it all seem OK. I watch him sleep and marvel at how beautiful he is. Tears well up in my eyes and I can't believe his ex would throw him away. How could she do that to him? It hurts me to think of how much she hurt him, even though he claims that their breakup was a long time coming.
Still, I'm glad she's such a stupid fuckin' cunt that she let him go, because now he's mine mine mine.
We have these insane laughing fits that are just too much fun. Lying in bed together, we talk in stupid voices and re-enact funny bits of movies and TV shows and make up bizarre stories and we laugh and laugh, cackle, and then laugh some more. (We spend lots of time in bed, you see.)
I've started noticing some of his more subtle mannerisms, like the way he uses his hands (and freakin' arms) to describe things precisely when he tells a story. He always eats everything on his plate, though the fucker is rail-thin. He uses a toothbrush with hard bristles.
I like all of these things.
***
Do I focus on these things I like (love?) about him and just live for the moment? I think I should do that.
Also, I totally agree with your diagram, JiB. Everything's fucked! Hooray!
posted by Kathleen | 2:11 am
ahhh, the best part of the relationship is when it's new and everything is cool and you don't realize what bothers you yet. the test is when you get comfortable and realize that little sound the other person makes when they eat drives you nuts, or the way they do one thing or another. once you get past that and realize you still like each other, then you got somehting going on...
:)
Thing about rebounds, is the way they get in under the radar. The party that needs to get over someone tries to replace that someone in their heart quickly, with whoever's nearest to it at the time, and whosoever takes that place will feel that "specialness" that the somebody replaced felt, and the party filling their heart will really feel that the replacement is special. Nobody knows what's really happened. And nobody really finds out until everybody's gotten over everybody and you stand back and think "why on earth did I sleep with my best friend!?".
NOW. I'm not saying that's what's happening to you, Ms. WithAKnife, and if you are best friends that are falling (or indeed, have fallen) completely in love then I'll gladly stick pins in makeshift voodoo dolls of you in utter jealously.
Disaster isn't inevitable. Just very likely. Like you say, though, there is absolutely no point in doing anything other than enjoying it as much as you can. If it's going to end - even if you *knew* it was going to end and the specific date it would end - you would still do that. I would. You are, after all, living a dream, which is something even rarer than a rebound relationship working.
If it feels good, do it! Live in the moment. Love like you've never been hurt. All those cliches have a point....if we just give up then what are we left with? As a rebound, I do agree with Mr. JiB, we seek what we had because it felt so good. So you should just love the experience you are having and just remember to be honest with yourself, just remember who number 1 is!