Timing is Everything

So it’s a tired old story: Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get cunted. It’s almost made trivial by commonality. I say “almost made trivial”. Fact is, it’s a nightmare each time. What I should’ve said was “it’s almost compounded into evil incarnate by commonality”. Whatever.

We all know that stuff. In LIAC schooling, it’s one of the Aesopian tales we learn at age 3 (measured in heartbroken seconds). What I’m interested in is the stuff that happens afterwards. The bit after “boy and girl get cunted”. That is where the standard story diverges and sprawls into a myriad of neuroses, psychoses, personality streaks and wishes, with each set unique to an individual. Out of all of these, I want to discuss the subsequent pattern of “boy/girl wishes s/he could go back in time” – let’s call it the Marty McFly pattern.

You know the one. Where you wish you could go back to the beginning. Well, not the beginning, but back to the bit just after you fell in love. Or just after the first time you kissed. Or just after the time you both had crazed monkey-sex in the back of your parent’s car. Etc. You want to go back in time, to the bit before all the shit started storming, and perhaps work through it better.

Now, the McFly pattern obviously assumes that you go back to that point in time, knowing what you know now. I say obviously, because what would be the point otherwise? If you went back in time and were the exact same person you were at that time, then you’d do the exact same fucking stupid shit again and wind up in the exact same fucking stupid place. Pointless.

No, you want to have is the same wisdom that you have now, be the person that you are now.

So the McFly pattern is really a variant of “boy/girl wishes they could’ve met now instead of then” (the Timing is Everything pattern, naturally). Which also covers the aspect of the other party being more wise and less likely to fuck up this time around, in case you wanted that as well.

I think the TIE pattern is quite commonplace. I’ve heard it from so many people. I’ve wanted it myself. It makes sense to crop up, because:

(i) Early loves occur when we’re the most open we’ll ever be. We don’t shield ourselves, we give ourselves completely, we revel absolutely in the feelings with none of the tempering that life’s experience can lend. We rarely, if ever, feel such shared passion in another person again.

and (perhaps synonymously)

(ii) Early loves occur when we’re total imbeciles.

Now we come to the fuck-up. Have a stiff drink and settle down…

How, in the name of Christing fuckery, are you ever going to meet that person again where (i) will happen yet (ii) doesn’t exist? Hmm? The precise reason that (i) occurs is because of (ii).

Put another way:

We want, we crave the intense feelings we felt for this person, but without any of the innocence we had back then, because it was the imbecilic lack of wisdom and character that caused you to turn into turds and hit the fan in the first fucking place. That’s what the TIE pattern is all about.

But the TIE pattern can never take place. Nor can the McFly pattern. Because to have the same relationship, you’d need the same personality, and with the same personality, you’re going to wind up in exactly the same place you are now. Which is, let’s face it, Shitsville.

It pains me to say it, because every day I wish I could meet that girl again, for the first time, being the people we are now. And I’m absolutely fucking positive it would be just as wonderful as what we had back then but without all the stupid shit we did which caused us to split against the wishes of souls.

But it wouldn’t be as wonderful. It would be restrained and cautious. It would be entirely different.

It’s gone – forever into memory and futile hopes.

So don’t waste time believing in the TIE or McFly patterns. What I’d suggest instead, is to grab that bottle of whiskey and have a good think about the Misery Forever pattern.

Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get cunted, boy/girl remains cunted, boy/girl remains cunted, boy/girl remains cunted, boy/girl remains cunted, boy/girl remains cunted... [ repeat until dead ]