Of course I know love!
We met on a Finchley dancefloor, she came into my life from the shadows and returned to my house a week later. We grew together, talked, shared everything and realised we fit together as perfectly as anyone could with only a teenager's level of experience. This set the scene for every relationship since, which never happened.
With her we went through thick and thin, unfaithfulness and forgiveness, ending in a mutual understanding and total unconditional love. We peaked too early, her mother disapproved and the day our love was discovered was the end of its expression. Thirty years ago. So, I was accused on my last post of only referring to sex and not love. Well, anyone can check my posts and see if they agree, and can only assume I may have less to write about love as I experience it as a very fleeting thirty year old memory. Sex is not a distant memory, only the satisfying sort. But sex comes and goes, you run out of things to say afterwards however good it is unless there is also love. Love keeps you going all the other times and just being with that person everything feels right.
Since 1975, I've felt love for others a number of times. But all, as I said, forbidden fruit. Married (many times), too young, too old, too mental etc etc. One scenario was an older woman in my college group, who on her first week announced she was leaving her husband. I saw a red rag and went for it as a slow-burner as we only met for class once a week. After some time, after getting upset in a class (as she usually did), she came over and sat with her arms round me. I was in heaven, and the next time I saw her in the canteen had to sort out what had happened. It turned out she identified me as a fellow sufferer of whatever she'd been going through and gravitated to me as she felt we were in the same position at the time (no idea why to this day?). She never left her dickhead of a husband of course, but struggled to save the useless marriage where she cared and he didn't. She was one of the only women who understood me since the 1975 example, combined with her obvious aesthetic charms, plus was a number of inches taller than me which added to her patronising quotient. Unfortunately being the height of a 14 year old many people seem to get away treating me like one. But I digress.
The bottom line is, as I titled, of course I know love, and knowing what water is when you've been three days in a desert doesn't tell you any more than knowing what it is when love hasn't been returned for thirty years. Totally wasted. I've been sitting on it all that time, feeling it and offering it at regular intervals and having it thrown back at every opportunity. No wonder I can't say a lot about it. It's doing nothing and going nowhere. So if my little bitter, twisted and extremely peculiar (growing with the days) friend is reading this, this is the reason I may gloss over love a little more than others, as it's akin to a starving man analysing menus. What's the fucking point?
OK, I think my case has been made. I was writing this before I saw the ridiculous comments on my last post, and it somehow reinforced the purpose of writing it twofold. And it also shows how nice everyone ELSE is on the internet...
With her we went through thick and thin, unfaithfulness and forgiveness, ending in a mutual understanding and total unconditional love. We peaked too early, her mother disapproved and the day our love was discovered was the end of its expression. Thirty years ago. So, I was accused on my last post of only referring to sex and not love. Well, anyone can check my posts and see if they agree, and can only assume I may have less to write about love as I experience it as a very fleeting thirty year old memory. Sex is not a distant memory, only the satisfying sort. But sex comes and goes, you run out of things to say afterwards however good it is unless there is also love. Love keeps you going all the other times and just being with that person everything feels right.
Since 1975, I've felt love for others a number of times. But all, as I said, forbidden fruit. Married (many times), too young, too old, too mental etc etc. One scenario was an older woman in my college group, who on her first week announced she was leaving her husband. I saw a red rag and went for it as a slow-burner as we only met for class once a week. After some time, after getting upset in a class (as she usually did), she came over and sat with her arms round me. I was in heaven, and the next time I saw her in the canteen had to sort out what had happened. It turned out she identified me as a fellow sufferer of whatever she'd been going through and gravitated to me as she felt we were in the same position at the time (no idea why to this day?). She never left her dickhead of a husband of course, but struggled to save the useless marriage where she cared and he didn't. She was one of the only women who understood me since the 1975 example, combined with her obvious aesthetic charms, plus was a number of inches taller than me which added to her patronising quotient. Unfortunately being the height of a 14 year old many people seem to get away treating me like one. But I digress.
The bottom line is, as I titled, of course I know love, and knowing what water is when you've been three days in a desert doesn't tell you any more than knowing what it is when love hasn't been returned for thirty years. Totally wasted. I've been sitting on it all that time, feeling it and offering it at regular intervals and having it thrown back at every opportunity. No wonder I can't say a lot about it. It's doing nothing and going nowhere. So if my little bitter, twisted and extremely peculiar (growing with the days) friend is reading this, this is the reason I may gloss over love a little more than others, as it's akin to a starving man analysing menus. What's the fucking point?
OK, I think my case has been made. I was writing this before I saw the ridiculous comments on my last post, and it somehow reinforced the purpose of writing it twofold. And it also shows how nice everyone ELSE is on the internet...
posted by David | 7:02 pm
we're all very nice people.
it's just that we also come complete with a tail and a pitchfork and with complete glee at the downfall of people.
=)