Je te suis, tu me fuis, je te fuis, tu me suis...
So today I've been at work, positively fuming over another blatant reason that love can and will always strive to be a cunt. It's all to do with perceived value and its inherent failings.
I can tell I'm already losing you - you total fucking idiot - so I'd better start with the basics.
See, when you go for someone, chances are you fancy them. That's a given, right? Who goes for people they don't fancy? Only rapists.
So let's take the definition of 'fancy' a bit further: Fancying someone, by its own nature, requires that the person being fancied is somehow equivalent or higher than a pre-defined rung on the ladder of attractiveness. Each rung of that ladder, of course, being an average of all traits that can be associated with attractiveness. The rung at which you set your sights are your 'standards' when it comes to choosing a partner. Perhaps you aim at the bottom of the ladder or higher - you utter whore. Or perhaps you aim towards the top - you frigid twat. Most people tend to aim at rungs around the one they themselves occupy. Or at least, tend to aim slightly higher, then eventually settle for something slightly lower. Losers.
Anyway - the point is, there is a ladder, and we've all set a standard on it. Even if you ignore that it exists ("oh please, I just take each person as I see them, and if we hit it off then that's great" - read less Cosmo), or don't realise it exists ("everybody's equal, right?" - read more Orwell), your standard is still on there, flapping away like the flag of Denialsville.
So how exactly is this important information on standards fed into our brain for processing into horniness for an individual? Perception!
Motherfucking perception.
That's what we use, as our rung-(or, more accurately, value-)detection-system. Our stupidly subjective perception, which is subject to all manner of defects, both internal (denial, longing, need) and external (peer pressure, social proofing, massive tits).
So the situation's already fucked. It's at this point that girls and blokes have different ways of dealing with the whole standards issue.
Girls, on the one hand, are quite perceptive even at the peaks of their baseline dementia. Given time, they will fathom out guys that are around the attractiveness threshold they desire/succeed with, and date them. Hence the 'gorgeous girl with nothing guy' scenario that's been debated endlessly on the fucking idiocy that is now Friends (to be fair, earlier series were okay). There's no debate required. Girls just know what they're doing.
Blokes, though. Oh Christ. Blokes are shit at this. We are way too physically shallow, and way too emotionally retarded to quite understand how to 'profile' girls as to where they belong on this ladder system. Hence we have all manner of common situations, ranging from 'gorgeous guy with nothing girl who has very keen sense of manipulation' through to 'guy mistakenly goes out with tonnes of girls and breaks all their hearts without really meaning to'. All of which arise from the fact of the guy not really knowing what the hell to look for in a girl.
An aside: Some girls think like guys (end up manipulated / accidental
heartbreakers) and some guys think like girls (sorted / clearly gay). Fine. But let's leave the generalisation for simplicity's sake...
The easiest way to overcome this perceptive difficulty? Over the years, we learn to be more passive - let them decide their relative value for you. The more they don't fancy you, the higher up on the ladder they are. The more they do fancy you, the lower down the ladder they are.
A lot of people do this.
LIAC evolves from the two simple results:
A lot of people don't like clingy partners. Even couples that have been together happily for years can shear apart on the appearance of true love from one side only.
A lot of people like running prey. The very act of showing disdain or negativity towards someone might actually make you more desirable to them. Even though you might, simply, hate them.
What to do?
Unfortunately, too many people are unaware of the ladder, their own standards, their higher perception of people, and the fact it might be based on how they present themselves to you. That's normal - it's hard to tell when all that's happening.
So, uhh. There's nothing you can do. LIAC. Quod erat fucking demonstrandum.
I can tell I'm already losing you - you total fucking idiot - so I'd better start with the basics.
See, when you go for someone, chances are you fancy them. That's a given, right? Who goes for people they don't fancy? Only rapists.
So let's take the definition of 'fancy' a bit further: Fancying someone, by its own nature, requires that the person being fancied is somehow equivalent or higher than a pre-defined rung on the ladder of attractiveness. Each rung of that ladder, of course, being an average of all traits that can be associated with attractiveness. The rung at which you set your sights are your 'standards' when it comes to choosing a partner. Perhaps you aim at the bottom of the ladder or higher - you utter whore. Or perhaps you aim towards the top - you frigid twat. Most people tend to aim at rungs around the one they themselves occupy. Or at least, tend to aim slightly higher, then eventually settle for something slightly lower. Losers.
Anyway - the point is, there is a ladder, and we've all set a standard on it. Even if you ignore that it exists ("oh please, I just take each person as I see them, and if we hit it off then that's great" - read less Cosmo), or don't realise it exists ("everybody's equal, right?" - read more Orwell), your standard is still on there, flapping away like the flag of Denialsville.
So how exactly is this important information on standards fed into our brain for processing into horniness for an individual? Perception!
Motherfucking perception.
That's what we use, as our rung-(or, more accurately, value-)detection-system. Our stupidly subjective perception, which is subject to all manner of defects, both internal (denial, longing, need) and external (peer pressure, social proofing, massive tits).
So the situation's already fucked. It's at this point that girls and blokes have different ways of dealing with the whole standards issue.
Girls, on the one hand, are quite perceptive even at the peaks of their baseline dementia. Given time, they will fathom out guys that are around the attractiveness threshold they desire/succeed with, and date them. Hence the 'gorgeous girl with nothing guy' scenario that's been debated endlessly on the fucking idiocy that is now Friends (to be fair, earlier series were okay). There's no debate required. Girls just know what they're doing.
Blokes, though. Oh Christ. Blokes are shit at this. We are way too physically shallow, and way too emotionally retarded to quite understand how to 'profile' girls as to where they belong on this ladder system. Hence we have all manner of common situations, ranging from 'gorgeous guy with nothing girl who has very keen sense of manipulation' through to 'guy mistakenly goes out with tonnes of girls and breaks all their hearts without really meaning to'. All of which arise from the fact of the guy not really knowing what the hell to look for in a girl.
An aside: Some girls think like guys (end up manipulated / accidental
heartbreakers) and some guys think like girls (sorted / clearly gay). Fine. But let's leave the generalisation for simplicity's sake...
The easiest way to overcome this perceptive difficulty? Over the years, we learn to be more passive - let them decide their relative value for you. The more they don't fancy you, the higher up on the ladder they are. The more they do fancy you, the lower down the ladder they are.
A lot of people do this.
LIAC evolves from the two simple results:
A lot of people don't like clingy partners. Even couples that have been together happily for years can shear apart on the appearance of true love from one side only.
A lot of people like running prey. The very act of showing disdain or negativity towards someone might actually make you more desirable to them. Even though you might, simply, hate them.
What to do?
Unfortunately, too many people are unaware of the ladder, their own standards, their higher perception of people, and the fact it might be based on how they present themselves to you. That's normal - it's hard to tell when all that's happening.
So, uhh. There's nothing you can do. LIAC. Quod erat fucking demonstrandum.
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 11:28 pm
Do I even want to know what was the inspiration for this post?
That's true. So what to do? Act aloof? But acting too aloof makes them think you're not interested. Gah!