I hate

I hate you. I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. Ever. I hate the way you laugh. I hate when you don't shave. I hate that your small eyes are so far apart. I hate that you pick at your skin. I hate when you're unshaved. I hate your femininity. I hate that after all this time you still have the ability to make me smile. I hate that you play with my emotions like noone ever has. I hate that I think about you constantly. I hate that you don't reply to my emails with lightning speed like you used to. I hate that you found your happiness without me. I hate that I'm searching for my own on my own. I hate that I don't believe you've missed me. I hate that you made so many empty promises. I hate that I broke my marriage and while I'm struggling to piece it back you're all I think about. I hate that I can't have sex without you. I hate that we can never be seen together, be friends, be together. I hate that we can't get away from the world to a world of just me and you. I hate that you call her the same nicknames you called me. I hate the stupid whores. I hate that you would pay for sex. I hate that you made me feel so cheap, so used, so much like nothing. I hate that I take credit for your newfound inspiration. I hate that I don't find you attractive. I hate that I'm so attracted to you. I hate that you don't think about me. I hate that I want to feel your hands on my bare skin. I hate that I've reread this post a gazillion times. I hate that when my grandmother passed away, you didn't even email/text/call. I hate the sneaking around. I hate feeling like I'm fifteen all over again. I hate that my favorite shoes are the ones that you tried to buy for me. I hate every poem that you ever sent me. I hate that you sent them not only to me. I hate that I can't kiss you. I hate that my inbox was empty three days after we stopped speaking. I hate that I still dream about you. I hate it when you wear flip flops and those stupid white shorts. I hate the green shorts. I hate so many things. I hate that I can't hate you no matter how hard I try.