The Vagina Dentata Trifecta – Part 1

The Vagina Dentata Trifecta – Part 1

I have a theory.

I will share it with you in bits…chewed up, mashed, spit out little bloody bits.

There is a Trifecta of love – a Vagina Dentata Trifecta of Love.

This first bit, it is the easiest to write about…but a real bitch to live. I mean a real bugger of a cunt. Parenthood. Specifically, for my own dark methods…Step Parenthood.

“Awww FUCK!” I hear some of you saying. I see other’s nodding, pumping your fists.

Yeah, sommaya feel me now, dontcha!

Do not step me wrong here. Parenthood? It is a miracle of light and dark. A beautiful thing of backwards/forwards forces that makes you into a greater thing if you only allow your self to be up to the task. But STEP parenthood…wow. That is a diff altogether! It has beauty. It has growth. But it is truly a many wondered Rose. And with it’s soft inviting petals the thorns are of most deadly venom for the unwary! Let me illustrate.

As a STEP dad…I came into being as “the man that’s fucking mom.” Yeah, that’s right. You think that brought out the happy-good-time moments? Let’s just say that when our engagement was announced, the then 12 year-old ran away crying. Can’t blame her…she was used to being in a world where it was her and her mom…raising little ‘sis. Then along bolts this blonde “mother-fucker” (literally) and usurps the “way of things”. Not only that, but I wanted to do things MY way. Heheheheh…what a stupid bastard was I. Me. Trying to tell another’s children how to be them selves.

That Vagina Dentata snapped shut on me so fast I could hardly see the flash of teeth. Bad, bad, badbadbad!

Then there was that precious moment where the youngest one called me “Dad.” Oh, my heart sang…but the older one came down with “He is NOT our DAD!” and you can just guess the rest.

I will not paint this as a bad picture, however. And I will not complain about my role - because I would never give up my rusted crown. This is probably a familiar story to many a reader out there. I can hear the clink of glasses as the toasts are raised. And I will tell true that some years have passed and the ocean has become a place of regular weather. We have our good, we have our bad. I am referred to by my first name, or even an affectionate nick-name. Sometimes there are words, arguments. But we make amends, and then there are jokes and there are good times. The youngest wraps her arms around me and says “I love you.” Even the older ones say it – show it…in their own way.

What I have/am learned/learning, is that to be a STEP parent, one must learn NOT to parent. Most of the time, one must learn to listen and hand the stick to the natural parent. They get away with nothing…and they know that, so I don’t get bags pulled over my head. If I have something to say, I usually get my words.

And even with my natural daughter I have to ride similar waves, in a similar ocean…so as comparison goes, it’s not so different.

But always, being a parent…there is one of the 3 Vagina Dentata’s out there, in the dark. Just waiting for you to fucker it all up. And when you do…Lawd Almighty! It comes a-whistling your way and with a mighty SNAP…you’re beggin’ for your parts back.

With that I will rest, for you to ponder the wonders of which I speak.

-Tutivillus