Lone Vigil of a Breaking Heart...or "Look What That Silly Cunt Did To Me!"

Upstairs, the sound of the front door hushing open and booming shut. Then footsteps to the hall. Another door, the bedroom, closing.

He turned off the television, preparing to get up and fix dinner. Late nights were becoming the norm. He didn’t bother having dinner waiting anymore. Cold and ruined meals depressed him, and the thought of why they were cold and ruined left his emotions frozen.

Upstairs he could hear the phantom sounds of a closet door sliding, perhaps a dresser drawer…but it was hard to tell exactly. He sat in the slight silence absorbing his thoughts and echoes of fear, like he did every night when she got home. It was a ritual in paranoia.

As he pushed to his feet he could hear her coming down the steps. He turned to face the doorway and was pushed to the couch in a fury of lips, touches, gropes.

She was not a passionate woman by nature. True, she had her moments…predatory moments…where her eyes turned dark with a smoke that hid a fire. But they were few. Normally her lovemaking was somewhat timid, and as of late it had been, for lack of a better term, boring.

But this, this was a passion. She pushed into him. She clawed and scratched at him. Bites marked his skin. Her teeth pulled at his nipples and her tongue darted into his ears as she whispered dark, naughty promises and taunts.

Surprised turned to lust, and lust turned to animal. He pinned her to the couch, roughly tearing her shorts down to her ankles and penetrating her from behind. The couch bucked forward with each thrust and eventually toppled, spilling them both to the floor, laughing.

He picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and carried her up the stairs, past the open windows, into their bedroom and continued.

Together they clawed and bit and thrust and tasted and sucked and came until there was nothing left but sweat, gasps and the entanglement of limbs…and the beat of one heart.

United?

I wish it had been so.

After the breath had been quieted he kissed her neck. Then he kissed her ear. Then he gently turned her head and kissed her closed eyelid…and saw the tear rolling down the cheek.

He was confused in his afterglow. All his fear had been washed away…all had been calmed in his sea. But as he blinked – in that moment behind closed eyes, he saw a rogue wave rising high in the ocean. It blotted the sun with foam green fury. He stood transfixed as some luminescence within flashed gold lightning.

And down it came…hissing…roaring…with the weight of a sea gone mad.

“I have something to tell you…” she sobbed.

It crushed him.

She had met a man in her building. They talked often…he looked a lot like him. They decided to go out for drinks that day. During the drinks a move was made and she reciprocated.

A kiss.

And another.

And then…”oh, this is wrong…I’m married!” And she fled.

Or so she said.

So she left. And drove home. And seduced her husband. And in the afterglow of lovemaking told him of her transgression.

He climbed out of bed, saying nothing, and walked down stairs, dressing himself. All he could do was sit. He could think nothing, do nothing. After a few hours he watched the television. A show came on…”Eyes Wide Shut.”

It fascinated him…gave him insight. But it was cold comfort.

The moon gave him it’s cold stare as it glided overhead and gave way to dawn.

As the sun rose, he climbed into their bed, watched her for a moment before she woke. They regarded each other and he asked:

“How could you do this to me?”

She closed her eyes. Her lips clenched. Slowly…so slowly, the eyes opened again to reveal fury.

“WHY DON’T YOU FUCKING LET IT GO! IT WAS A GODDAMN ACCIDENT! LEAVE ME ALONE AND QUIT BUGGING ME! IF YOU’RE GOING TO SPEND THE WHOLE NIGHT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF THEN FINE, BUT DON’T MAKE ME SUFFER BECAUSE YOU FEEL BAD!”

She rolled over.

"Asshole." She mumbled before drifting back to sleep.