Valentine's Day Checklist
Seeing how all this Valentine's Day talk has so far revolved around romance, love, dating, flowers, etc. I thought I'd take it back to basics. When I was in school, it wasn't about what to get your girlfriend/wife/mistress. No, it was about how to phrase the poem on the anonymous card you wanted to give to that girl on the school bus.
That's right, it was about anonymous stalking.
To which end, I've adapted the article from the above link, to give budding stalkers a few handy tips.
*~[insert cupid waving his fucking bow]~*
Make sure this Valentine's Day goes off without a single hitch! Below is a general checklist of things you should consider when planning your Valentine's Day! Good luck, and have a most romantic holiday with your "date"!
1. Your Schedules
Before you can decide on anything, you need to find out what both of your schedules are. Do one or both of you have to work? Find out what hours. Does your date have something else planned during any part of the day? Make sure to find out everything. Then book the first train out of town AS SOON AS POSSIBLE after your "interlude".
2. Consider Your Date's Interests
Is your date a "flowers and romance, dance all night" type, or a "stay at home in front of the fire" type of person? This is important in determining what you are planning to do. You might have to drug her drink in a bar, or pull her from the queue of a nightclub. Or you might need a ladder and a telephoto lens. If you're not sure, call up your date's best friends, pretending to be her Canadian/Australian/Scottish uncle on a surprise visit to the country, and ask for her whereabouts.
3. Plan Your Date
By now you should know what timeframe you have to work with and what your partner's interests are. With this information it should be much easier deciding what to do. While you're planning, make sure to check if flight reservations are needed (depending on the severity of your planned date, and whether or not you're planning on leaving any stains to remind her), any tipping requirements (wheelbarrows, rats down tubes), transportation you might need (don't expect to keep up or avoid the police if you're riding a scooter!) , any possible dress code (macintosh, dark glasses), timeframe of any events, and if there are any restrictions on any mood enhancers you might want to bring, like rohypnol. Don't let your date know about any information!
3. Select Mood Enhancers
With the date idea selected, it's time to plan your "over-the-top valentine romance!" For a list of great ideas, see our Mood Setters article. When planning these, check for any of the things mentioned above that are relevant. Some suggestions: rohypnol, handcuffs, gag, video camera, coathanger, ether and cottonwool, etc.
4. Your Gift
The gift is almost as, if not more, important than the actual date. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it does need to show that you've put a lot of time and care into selecting it. If you're deciding to give a traditional favorite, like a photo of them in the shower, or that now wank-stained pair of soiled panties you stole from her bedroom while she was at tennis class, try and do something unique with them. For example, have the corpses of her past lovers delivered seperately to her office during the day, or try one of the creative phonecall ideas found here.
5. Confirm Everything!!!
The night before, take some time and confirm any reservations or plans you have that involve a third party, e.g. getaways, disposal services, etc. This not only helps ease your nerves a bit, but can help place your date in the right place. Call her up, pretend to be a telephone service repair man, say you have to come round her street tomorrow on emergency work, to make sure she's in at the right time.
6. Relax And Enjoy!
Pick up your date and enjoy her paralysed, speech-slurred company! Relax, because you've taken all the steps to plan the perfect Valentine's Day date!!
Click for complete "printer-friendly" Stalker's Day checklist.
Get Involved!!
How are you stalking your date this year? Let us know and your ideas could be featured in our guide!!
That's right, it was about anonymous stalking.
To which end, I've adapted the article from the above link, to give budding stalkers a few handy tips.
*~[insert cupid waving his fucking bow]~*
Make sure this Valentine's Day goes off without a single hitch! Below is a general checklist of things you should consider when planning your Valentine's Day! Good luck, and have a most romantic holiday with your "date"!
1. Your Schedules
Before you can decide on anything, you need to find out what both of your schedules are. Do one or both of you have to work? Find out what hours. Does your date have something else planned during any part of the day? Make sure to find out everything. Then book the first train out of town AS SOON AS POSSIBLE after your "interlude".
2. Consider Your Date's Interests
Is your date a "flowers and romance, dance all night" type, or a "stay at home in front of the fire" type of person? This is important in determining what you are planning to do. You might have to drug her drink in a bar, or pull her from the queue of a nightclub. Or you might need a ladder and a telephoto lens. If you're not sure, call up your date's best friends, pretending to be her Canadian/Australian/Scottish uncle on a surprise visit to the country, and ask for her whereabouts.
3. Plan Your Date
By now you should know what timeframe you have to work with and what your partner's interests are. With this information it should be much easier deciding what to do. While you're planning, make sure to check if flight reservations are needed (depending on the severity of your planned date, and whether or not you're planning on leaving any stains to remind her), any tipping requirements (wheelbarrows, rats down tubes), transportation you might need (don't expect to keep up or avoid the police if you're riding a scooter!) , any possible dress code (macintosh, dark glasses), timeframe of any events, and if there are any restrictions on any mood enhancers you might want to bring, like rohypnol. Don't let your date know about any information!
3. Select Mood Enhancers
With the date idea selected, it's time to plan your "over-the-top valentine romance!" For a list of great ideas, see our Mood Setters article. When planning these, check for any of the things mentioned above that are relevant. Some suggestions: rohypnol, handcuffs, gag, video camera, coathanger, ether and cottonwool, etc.
4. Your Gift
The gift is almost as, if not more, important than the actual date. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it does need to show that you've put a lot of time and care into selecting it. If you're deciding to give a traditional favorite, like a photo of them in the shower, or that now wank-stained pair of soiled panties you stole from her bedroom while she was at tennis class, try and do something unique with them. For example, have the corpses of her past lovers delivered seperately to her office during the day, or try one of the creative phonecall ideas found here.
5. Confirm Everything!!!
The night before, take some time and confirm any reservations or plans you have that involve a third party, e.g. getaways, disposal services, etc. This not only helps ease your nerves a bit, but can help place your date in the right place. Call her up, pretend to be a telephone service repair man, say you have to come round her street tomorrow on emergency work, to make sure she's in at the right time.
6. Relax And Enjoy!
Pick up your date and enjoy her paralysed, speech-slurred company! Relax, because you've taken all the steps to plan the perfect Valentine's Day date!!
Click for complete "printer-friendly" Stalker's Day checklist.
Get Involved!!
How are you stalking your date this year? Let us know and your ideas could be featured in our guide!!
posted by Anonymous | 12:31 pm
