Walked home this morning? At 5am? In high heels?
Oh dear. Got evicted did we? Was it worth the random, fumbling cock sliding into your pissed-up cunt? Do vague memories of consensual rape allay the feeling that, deep down inside, perhaps you're an unpaid whore?
Obviously, I don't think like that. But Illegible (see her post, below), as per usual, has gotten me thinking about the various ethics and morals and blinkered thoughts that fly around regarding one-night stands.
Now, I've only ever had two such occurrences happen in my life, so perhaps I'm not the best person to talk authoritatively on the matter. However, I am so self-assured and so keen on psycho(tically-)analysing other people's stories that I'm going to tell you what's what and answer any rebuttal with the immortal words "I don't give a flying cunt, you groping, headwankered bastard.".
First up, evolution.
Evolution is fucking stupid. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the fact that I have higher brain functions with which to enjoy love is a cunt and other such delights, but it's also fucking us up. Fat people, and people scared of spiders. What are they all about, eh? It's all evolution. We have millions of years worth of genetic programming which tell us to eat fuckloads and run from spiders, and therefore we keep doing those things, even though we have plenty of food and spiders are rubbish.
(I realise I've offended the entire third world and those that live in rainforests, but you know, I'm talking to people with access to the fucking internet here)
Another little evolutionary artefact is the procreative drive. Nobody understands the female drive - it is random and illogical and such is the nature of women. Fine. The male drive, however, is a bit simpler, and can be summarised in the following program:
(i) Be born.
(ii) Grow balls.
(iii) Fuck as many different women as possible.
(iv) Are you dead? Yes - go to (v), No - go to (iii)
(v) Rot.
Easy. A simple program designed to proliferate our species across the face of the planet.
It's genetic too, so next time you complain at us for cheating, remember that it's for exactly the same reason you're fat and scared of spiders, you fat scared bint.
In any case, this is all leading up to talk of slappers and whores. How!? Check it:
Not only are men programmed to seek out and sprat as many women as possible, but they are also programmed to seek out the most fertile women.
This means:
NO grannies
NO kids
NO women that look like they're about to cark it
NO women that might already be pregnant
And it's the last one there, that really upsets the apple cart. It's totally subconscious, but men frown on women that sleep around simply because they might already be pregnant. Back in the days of eating fuckloads and running away from spiders, energy was a very important and scarce commodity, and any non-productive fucking was harmful to the human race. Thusly, a caveman didn't go for chicks that had just been on the job with the next caveman.
As I said earlier, evolution sucks, and in fact is a direct cause of LIAC in that it promotes cheating. As I've just pointed out, it also promotes the shameless degredation of girls that want to fuck just to fuck.
Ridiculous.
As soon as we start moving away from these shackles of evolutionary development, we can start settling into a nice race of healthy people that don't cheat, don't look down on girls that like sex, and keep spiders as pets.
Utopia, I think you'll agree.
PS I have nothing against fat people. Except those really fucking obese ones, that you only find sitting in a yank McDonalds at 6am waiting for seventeen breakfasts to be shoveled down their throats by an army of bastard children that were birthed from test tubes and surrogate cunts because even if the gluttonous fuck could get a girl he wouldn't be able to get close enough to jab his tiny squashed prick in her.
Obviously, I don't think like that. But Illegible (see her post, below), as per usual, has gotten me thinking about the various ethics and morals and blinkered thoughts that fly around regarding one-night stands.
Now, I've only ever had two such occurrences happen in my life, so perhaps I'm not the best person to talk authoritatively on the matter. However, I am so self-assured and so keen on psycho(tically-)analysing other people's stories that I'm going to tell you what's what and answer any rebuttal with the immortal words "I don't give a flying cunt, you groping, headwankered bastard.".
First up, evolution.
Evolution is fucking stupid. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the fact that I have higher brain functions with which to enjoy love is a cunt and other such delights, but it's also fucking us up. Fat people, and people scared of spiders. What are they all about, eh? It's all evolution. We have millions of years worth of genetic programming which tell us to eat fuckloads and run from spiders, and therefore we keep doing those things, even though we have plenty of food and spiders are rubbish.
(I realise I've offended the entire third world and those that live in rainforests, but you know, I'm talking to people with access to the fucking internet here)
Another little evolutionary artefact is the procreative drive. Nobody understands the female drive - it is random and illogical and such is the nature of women. Fine. The male drive, however, is a bit simpler, and can be summarised in the following program:
(i) Be born.
(ii) Grow balls.
(iii) Fuck as many different women as possible.
(iv) Are you dead? Yes - go to (v), No - go to (iii)
(v) Rot.
Easy. A simple program designed to proliferate our species across the face of the planet.
It's genetic too, so next time you complain at us for cheating, remember that it's for exactly the same reason you're fat and scared of spiders, you fat scared bint.
In any case, this is all leading up to talk of slappers and whores. How!? Check it:
Not only are men programmed to seek out and sprat as many women as possible, but they are also programmed to seek out the most fertile women.
This means:
NO grannies
NO kids
NO women that look like they're about to cark it
NO women that might already be pregnant
And it's the last one there, that really upsets the apple cart. It's totally subconscious, but men frown on women that sleep around simply because they might already be pregnant. Back in the days of eating fuckloads and running away from spiders, energy was a very important and scarce commodity, and any non-productive fucking was harmful to the human race. Thusly, a caveman didn't go for chicks that had just been on the job with the next caveman.
As I said earlier, evolution sucks, and in fact is a direct cause of LIAC in that it promotes cheating. As I've just pointed out, it also promotes the shameless degredation of girls that want to fuck just to fuck.
Ridiculous.
As soon as we start moving away from these shackles of evolutionary development, we can start settling into a nice race of healthy people that don't cheat, don't look down on girls that like sex, and keep spiders as pets.
Utopia, I think you'll agree.
PS I have nothing against fat people. Except those really fucking obese ones, that you only find sitting in a yank McDonalds at 6am waiting for seventeen breakfasts to be shoveled down their throats by an army of bastard children that were birthed from test tubes and surrogate cunts because even if the gluttonous fuck could get a girl he wouldn't be able to get close enough to jab his tiny squashed prick in her.
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 6:37 pm
I'm beginning to think my female parts were really meant to be male...however, I'm perfectly happy with bouncy tits and the extraordinarily wet pussy down below. I only say this because of the 'male program' you mention below, as I subscribe to a nearly similar system myself.
i don't really care what the point of your blabla-ing was about, but when have i ever?
so, i'll just say a few random thoughts.
1. i am not afraid of spiders even after having been bitten 16 times from a posionous one (that stupid little bitch).
2. i think i'm fat. ok, chubby. thanks to my giant babies (average size of mine being 2 feet long and 10 pounds heavy. those aren't newborns. those are toddlers.)!
3. my husband can tell you just how great sex with a pregnant woman is. she can't get pregnant. she's totally horny.
4. i look down on anybody, men and women, who go around fucking as many people as possible, especially if they do it unprotected and without any care about the other person.
5. evolution my ass!