Blasts from the Past
When the theme of your past epitomises drama, scandal and downright debauchery, it's difficult to imagine releasing it into someone else's head.
There have been few people who've genuinely shared in the truth of my past relationships and encounters, because quite frankly when someone says they think you're "cute" you don't really fancy informing them that, in fact, you have in the past been quite the Queen of Darkness, and have messed around with pretty much every wrong'un that has ever crossed your path.
Don't get me wrong, it's not *that bad*, and besides, I've always refused to be ashamed of the places I've been. I think it's very important to share with someone the events that have made you who you are today, and something that I think ruined one of my relationships quite simply because he wasn't prepared to administer the level of openness I required. To share is to share completely, as far as I'm concerned.
I want to know.
Some people don't. But I'm far more afraid of the unknown than what I do know. When I first got together with J, I imagined he'd been with scores of women. He was 5 years older than me, I expected it. He was very coy about the whole thing, and when I asked him how many people he'd slept with, he responded "between 8 and 10", and in the whole 3 years we were together, that was all he ever told me. When we went out, if he spoke to a girl, I wondered if he'd slept with her. Because he'd never tell me anything, I always imagined the worst. Your mind plays tricks on you. It's better to know.
Imagination is far more frightening than the truth. Especially mine, which can be alarmingly overactive.
It's a subject lots of people have differing views on. Some people just don't want to know. Others don't want to tell. I don't particularly revel in the idea of explaining how I had an illegitimate affair with my boss, had multiple one-night-stands, messed around with lots of fuckwits and fraternised with a few of my male friends. Mainly because somehow it sounds a hell of a lot worse than it actually was.
But I think it's important to know. It can tell you so much about a person.
Discuss!!!
There have been few people who've genuinely shared in the truth of my past relationships and encounters, because quite frankly when someone says they think you're "cute" you don't really fancy informing them that, in fact, you have in the past been quite the Queen of Darkness, and have messed around with pretty much every wrong'un that has ever crossed your path.
Don't get me wrong, it's not *that bad*, and besides, I've always refused to be ashamed of the places I've been. I think it's very important to share with someone the events that have made you who you are today, and something that I think ruined one of my relationships quite simply because he wasn't prepared to administer the level of openness I required. To share is to share completely, as far as I'm concerned.
I want to know.
Some people don't. But I'm far more afraid of the unknown than what I do know. When I first got together with J, I imagined he'd been with scores of women. He was 5 years older than me, I expected it. He was very coy about the whole thing, and when I asked him how many people he'd slept with, he responded "between 8 and 10", and in the whole 3 years we were together, that was all he ever told me. When we went out, if he spoke to a girl, I wondered if he'd slept with her. Because he'd never tell me anything, I always imagined the worst. Your mind plays tricks on you. It's better to know.
Imagination is far more frightening than the truth. Especially mine, which can be alarmingly overactive.
It's a subject lots of people have differing views on. Some people just don't want to know. Others don't want to tell. I don't particularly revel in the idea of explaining how I had an illegitimate affair with my boss, had multiple one-night-stands, messed around with lots of fuckwits and fraternised with a few of my male friends. Mainly because somehow it sounds a hell of a lot worse than it actually was.
But I think it's important to know. It can tell you so much about a person.
Discuss!!!
posted by A Girl Like Me | 11:13 pm
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Absolutely. This is why a large percentage of my issues are trust-related, because I've had it on the extreme from both sides - been with girls that think hiding the truth is best, been with girls that think you should know every little detail. I go with the latter.
Whilst I think you don't need to know *absolutely everything*, there is (to me) an obvious threshold above which the facts should be laid bare. As Aristoteli pointed out at some point - "the pain that comes from truth is liveable.".
As I've posted about before, I feel the truth is important across the past, present and future of any relationship - otherwise you're just living in The Cave.
It's heartening to me that even a Queen of Darkness thinks this way (though I think your attitude, if it's genuine here, precludes you from such a status). Perhaps there's hope for love yet.