Registered Pseudo Lesbian
I love pussy... Really.
How can one abstain from that slice of coral feminity? The perplexity and artistry that captures the attention and wonder of all humans (and most dogs), bestows a pirate grace upon it's owner and it's consumer. It really is a glorious thing.... Badda Boom, Badda Bing.
I have spent much time debating my ownership of a possible lesbian career. There are many perks. For example:
I wouldn't have to shave anything.
Fuck all the men that want my body to be hair-free. Your's isn't, so why in-God's-silly-little-name would you expect mine to be? Women are far more understanding in regards to the hardships of shaving 50% of one's body at least three times a week. And if they're not, than they don't deserve to reap the benifits of a lesbionic lifestyle. Fuck them too.
I could maintain an acceptable, mammoth hatred for all things.
As the years pass, it is becoming considerably more difficult to be an egotistic-mega-bitch. Somewhere along the lines someone decided that ignorance wasn't an acceptable lifestyle and now I have to pay for their mistakes by accepting everyone elses' stupidity. Gross.
I'm sure most men (and some women) would easily decide that the cause of my foul personality would be the colossal lack of a solid-sized dick up my arse. Fair enough, asssex is a wonderful thing, but a "lack-of" would not be the cause of my impatience with the majority of the human race.
The recognition of such a lifestyle would jump-start my occupation as an art-fag.
To quote Mr. Escher: "Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. I think it's in my basement... let me go upstairs and check."
Indeed. Allow me to venture to the basement. Perhaps I'll find a barell of poontang amoungst the rest of the dusty boxes.
These are of course just some of the highlighted benefits from sucking on snatch. Obviously there are miles and miles of documented proof of how all women are lesbians in their own special little ways.* It's true. I swear it.
Either way...
I decided after an exhaustive search for a suitable female counterpart that all woman are annoyingly stupid and disgustingly fickle.
I would one day like to find a female who possesses the same level of intelligence and ideals as myself for a role in the hay. For now my hopes are silenced by the never-ending bombardment of thinly laced "like, oh my gods" and sparkly nailpolish.
I guess I'll stick with a solid fucking by a more than tolerable man. In the meantime, I'll romantically day-dream of laying my virgin tongue on the fleshy pastry of a non-existent, adequate woman.
*See Juliet is Bleeding for more information.
How can one abstain from that slice of coral feminity? The perplexity and artistry that captures the attention and wonder of all humans (and most dogs), bestows a pirate grace upon it's owner and it's consumer. It really is a glorious thing.... Badda Boom, Badda Bing.
I have spent much time debating my ownership of a possible lesbian career. There are many perks. For example:
I wouldn't have to shave anything.
Fuck all the men that want my body to be hair-free. Your's isn't, so why in-God's-silly-little-name would you expect mine to be? Women are far more understanding in regards to the hardships of shaving 50% of one's body at least three times a week. And if they're not, than they don't deserve to reap the benifits of a lesbionic lifestyle. Fuck them too.
I could maintain an acceptable, mammoth hatred for all things.
As the years pass, it is becoming considerably more difficult to be an egotistic-mega-bitch. Somewhere along the lines someone decided that ignorance wasn't an acceptable lifestyle and now I have to pay for their mistakes by accepting everyone elses' stupidity. Gross.
I'm sure most men (and some women) would easily decide that the cause of my foul personality would be the colossal lack of a solid-sized dick up my arse. Fair enough, asssex is a wonderful thing, but a "lack-of" would not be the cause of my impatience with the majority of the human race.
The recognition of such a lifestyle would jump-start my occupation as an art-fag.
To quote Mr. Escher: "Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible. I think it's in my basement... let me go upstairs and check."
Indeed. Allow me to venture to the basement. Perhaps I'll find a barell of poontang amoungst the rest of the dusty boxes.
These are of course just some of the highlighted benefits from sucking on snatch. Obviously there are miles and miles of documented proof of how all women are lesbians in their own special little ways.* It's true. I swear it.
Either way...
I decided after an exhaustive search for a suitable female counterpart that all woman are annoyingly stupid and disgustingly fickle.
I would one day like to find a female who possesses the same level of intelligence and ideals as myself for a role in the hay. For now my hopes are silenced by the never-ending bombardment of thinly laced "like, oh my gods" and sparkly nailpolish.
I guess I'll stick with a solid fucking by a more than tolerable man. In the meantime, I'll romantically day-dream of laying my virgin tongue on the fleshy pastry of a non-existent, adequate woman.
*See Juliet is Bleeding for more information.
posted by fucking diddums | 2:16 pm
Nope, not up for licking mackerel in the slightest. Even *shaved mackerel*.
i'm so with pillowfeather on that one... dont wanna have to floss after... ew!
This is the best thread ever..!
LOL of course you think it is :P
As far as not wanting to shave is concerned, the solution is simple: move to Germany.
Obviously this blog was meant to be more of a hysterical, knee-slapping, comedy routine. In other words, not a top-five-list of ideal lesbian qualities to be found in a suitable mate.
And obviously, the woman who have placed their two cents into this thread aren't cut out to be strapping, butch, lesbian demons from the pits of a sub-cliche-american-pop-culture-phenomenon.
And just for the record. I prefer at least a racing stripe. Who wants to fuck something that looks like a cold slab of plucked poultry?