FOUND - P0rn and other gems

I'm in the process of changing houses and I have discovered that I have a huge hate for packing.
I keep discovering things that I had cleverly hidden - pictures of old boyfriends, gifts I had been given etc.. - to keep myself from finding things that caused me pain. I suppose I had hoped that when I did find them, I would be over the people & feelings that were initially associated with them.
For the most part, the things I have found have been extremly boring.. devoid of all emotion and memory.
But then, I opened my drawer. Now, everyone one has one of these - don't be shy now - although it may take different forms. In this drawer I have my erotic reading material, massage oil, toys and the like. (Thank goodness my mum wasn't over to help me pack up!) I found a video, one I had forgotten about, that one of my more adventurous boyfriends had bought for us to watch.
Now I must admit, for those of you who don't know, I already have a good collection of porn which was the reason M. gave it to me in the first place.
How I missed that video!
For all of you lovely men out there, don't be fooled by most women who say they can't stand porn... they just haven't been shown the right ones. Women are delicate things - except the crazy cunts - so a lot of us feel uncomfortable if what we see is too vulgar, sadistic, taboo or violent. But it fascinates us.. especially the girl on girl ones.
Now, I don't mean to speak for all women, after all I do know many who have a hard time giving head nevermind all the porn business. It's hard for me to understand though, being a gal that loves hockey, drinks rye, is ridiculously open about all things sexual and has been called 'a man's woman' by many of my friends.
It's not an easy thing, I find I've intimidated many ex's by beating them at video games, knowing too many sport stats and having the ability to drink most under the table. But then again why would I want to be with someone who finds me too much of a challange?

But, back to the porn.
The worst kind of self mental fuckery is when you begin to remember all the great sex you used to have - especially when you're no longer getting it in the same quantity/quality - and unfortunately this is what happened when I popped the video into my VCR and pressed play.
I know, I know, I should have just sat back and focused on the 'actors' themselves, but this item from my past began a thought process that took me back to all the places we had sex, all the mind blowing orgasms and all the spontanaity... Regardless of M. being a total cunt and the fact that he slept around, I still could not direct my thoughts towards anything but good sex..
I suppose almost anything can send you back to good memories, whether it be a note written in the good times or a steamy vid given in lust, I just wish I had kept more momentos of the bad times.. Why I thought rat packing the good memories away was a good idea, I'll never know.. it's unlikely that there are ever any photos snapped of the two of you in a full out brawl, or of you crying when he called you a selfish bitch - or other choice words - which makes it impossible to have something tangible to look at.
I think from now on I'll try to pack away some things from the bad times to save myself the 'What if's' and the 'Remember when's' of someone that broke my heart.
For now though, I will focus my efforts on getting my life put into boxes and hurrying to get my VCR assembled so that I don't forget that at one time, someone had the ability to make me moan as much (if not more) than the fine ladies on the tape.