Genesis.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

-Ellen DeGeneres

Sifting through all of the brutish stories that could possibly pertain to this particular website. I figure that our first loves really play a handy role in changing us all for good or ill, and it seems like the appropriate place to start. After all, what sort of jumbled mess would pee-wee's playhouse be if the dots weren't connected in the right order? Fucking bedlam that's what. Regardless, the show must go on...

This, as most stories of their kind start in a small High School. I was lucky enough to be that guy. You know...that guy that has mostly female friends? The guy they call when their boyfriend is being a jerk, the guy that will go see a musical with them, and actually enjoy himself. Yep, that was me, closer to everyone, yet always kept at an arms length. (I later found out that most just figured I was gay). Confused as hell, and a member of every clique in school, all of which I hated. I was ready to say fuck it all and start a career in the military.

Not being old enough, I had to settle for the Cadet Corps. During one of my oh-so-macho training sessions with the local Army Cadet Corps, a small brunette with a great body and a list of great things to talk about made her way in to be my instructor at the firing range. She was a member of Search and Rescue, had twin boys, etc, etc. After a good evening of talking one on one we decided that it was in our best interest to begin seeing each other as soon as possible. The rather large age gap of my 17 years and her 28 years didn't bother us at all. Nor did the fact she could actually face jail time for dating a student in the Corps. We hid it well, oh did we ever. It was the most exciting thing in the world sneaking about on military bases for a quick lay with someone officers wanted to fuck.

Oh how the flowers bloomed, and how the birds did sing.

Did I forget to mention that I was 17?

Embarrassing. I'm glad I'm not that young anymore.

Then we decided to play that goddamned card game. "Did you know that she's dating someone?" I heard one of the cadets’ say. My throat tightened, as I was so fearful of her getting in trouble. "Yeah she's even getting married." Oh shit, we'd been talking about that for so long, now these little fuckers are going to throw it all away for the sake of gossip. "Yeah, Ian is a lucky guy." The higher ranking one said. Well that was it, the swine had pinned me to her by name.

A deep sigh. They can't take what we have away. I'm tired of all this sneaking bullshit anyways.

"What do you think about him?" He asked directed at me. "Huh?" I so eloquently asked. "Well, Captain Lewis, the guy she's marrying" he added. Needless to say, I was not, am not nor, probably never will be a Captain Lewis and, honestly that hurt. So did losing ten dollars to those fuckers on my birthday.

Seven years later, and many more stories in between I've come to realize that love is in fact a cunt. I also realize that I could ham these stories up, to make myself out to be more of a victim, but that fact of the matter is I was an inexperienced kid who didn’t care what his friends and family told him, because he knew more than everyone else.

Maybe that’s why love is such a cunt. Not for what it is, but for what it makes us do.