Internet Dating!

[ Apologies for length, the pictures made it fucking huge! And apologies for silliness, but it is Friday. There is a real message in here, somewhere. ]

	Well hey folksh, Jerry Springer here! Welcome to my all new chat show! Thanksh, thanksh – shettle down people. What we’re gonna be dishcushing today ish love and how it’sh – are you ready for thish? – A cunt!
	Booooooo!
	Now now folksh, shettle down… We’ve got a great panel in to discussh the isshues, and the topic on today’sh show ish love… and the internet!
	Oooooooo!
	That’sh right, online love. Online dating. Shhhhhhybersex.
	Woooooo! JER – RY – JER – RY – JER – RY -
	Now folksh, shettle down. Let’sh go shtraight to shome controvershy from thish gentleman here – come on shir, tell us your name.
	Oh – uhh. I’m Charles Darwin.
	Welcome Charlesh – let’sh give him a welcome eh?
	JER – RY – JER – RY - JER – RY -
	Oh shucks, I love you guysh. Come on now Charlesh, what do you make of all thish… All thish online shtuff?
	Well, you see Jerry. Dating online may be all well and good, but you just can’t fall in love with someone over the internet. It’s basic biology. See, love is all based on smell.
	Schmell!? Why, I’d uhh, heh – better take a bath then, huh?
	*HAHAHAHAHAHA!*
	No you don’t understand, Jerry. I’m talking about pheromones. We all give them off. They’re like invisible smells – you don’t register them consciously, but you do subconsciously, and when we meet a potential mate we determine our compatibility by smell. This is why so many online couples, when they meet, find themselves turned off by the other. Simply because the chance of arbitrarily meeting someone with compatible pheromones online is very slim…
	Well, hold on there Charlesh, you know shomething? That shoundsh like a buncha baloney to me!
	Woooooooooo!
	But-
	Charlesh, let’sh hear from shomeone who’s a bit more reshpectful of our intelligence huh? Howsh about you – yeah you, the fat kid. Tell ush your name and whatsh the deal with thish shhhhybersex love?
	Well hey Jerry – can I just say it’s a pleasure to meet you? My name’s Timmy and you know what? I think online love is way better than the real deal.
	Woooooooooo!
	You hear what I’m saying, Jerry?
	We hearsh ya, we hearsh ya.
	Real-world love is so full of superficial BS, Jerry. The internet lets us chat on a level that steps over all that BS. I mean, look man, I didn’t get laid for almost thirty years in the real world. Thirty years, Jerry! You know how strong this right arm is?
	Shtronger than we'd wanna know Timmy.
	Damn right man. Now I get online, sign on as a 22/F/Miami, and I just… I just get it *on* man! You know? Hell yeah! Ugh ugh ugh..! Wham bam!
	Woooooooo! GO TIMMY – GO TIMMY – GO TIMMY -
	But shay, Timmy, aren’t you lying to thosh folksh?
	How does that matter, Jerry?
	You’re a crazshy liar!
	LI – AR – LI – AR -
	Yoush a guy, Timmy – and let’sh face it, you’re a bit of an eyeshore.
	EYE – SORE – EYE – SORE -
	Okay heh, okay… Enough of that, let’sh have another take on thish. Howsh about you there – fella in the white robesh.
	Good Day, Jerry. I am The Creator.
	Ladiesh and gentlemen we have god in the shtudio..!
	Wooooooooooo! GOD – GOD – GOD – GOD -
	Right right, shettle down folksh. So god, whatsh the shtory huh?
	Well, let us see. I’d say that Online Dating is probably a Good Thing, Though One Must Be Careful. One Would Lack the Rather More Telling Signs that One Would Receive during, say, A Real Encounter. Let us take the Example of a Painting telling A Thousand Words. Let Us Liken that to A Physical Meeting as compared to An Online Chat. Do You See?
	Yesh, yesh, I think I do.
	Without the Physical Meeting, without The Clues and Information We Receive during Those Meetings, we simply fill in Those Details as Perfections in our own Minds – as those things our Minds crave most. It is a Fallacy.
	Well jeepers, god, that’sh shome food for thought right there huh? Let’sh go to our final panellisht – the red guy bathed in flamesh, yesh you. Who are you?
	Who am I? I am Satan! No do not speak, mortal, let me finish. What *spit* god just said is the very reason why online dating is so good. That you can fill in the omissions with perfection, and become one with something you might not find otherwise. To deny yourself this, is… To deny yourself.
	Nishe shoundbite there Shatan, but you know what? Shoundsh like baloney!
	BA-LO – NEY – BA-LO – NEY -
	It Is Baloney.
	What!? It’s not baloney! Come here, I’ll nut your fucking face in-
	Oh!
	Shteve! Shteve!
	Come on guys, break it up now…
	STEVE - STEVE - STEVE - STEVE -
	I. Have. Calculated. That...
	Huh? Who’sh that? Oh shorry Hawking, didn’t shee you there - thought you were part of the furniture, heh. Go right ahead.
	If one. Picture. Is a thousand. Words. Then by my. Calculations. A Meeting of five minutes. At a frame rate. Of even twenty frames. Per second.
	Much lower than the frame rate of human vision-
	Shaddup Charlesh wouldja let the shpashtic finish already!?
	Could. Represent. Six. Million. Words. During such. An encounter.
	Wowshers Hawking, that’sh shome aweshome math right there huh? Six million wordsh eh? That’sh a lot of online chat. I guesh meeting up in the real world really doesh mean quite a bit. How about that? Let’sh hear it for the real world!
	The – real – world! The – real – world! Woooooo!
	Shettle down folksh, that’sh about all we have time for today. My final thought? Well shome folksh like online meetings. Shome folksh think they’re wrong. I think one needsh to proceed, but proceed with caution. Let'sh discount that you have to meet to eshtablish love, like Charlesh here claimsh. We can alsho discount that you're going to be the victim of the likesh of Timmy - there is a certain level of trusht you can work towardsh, even online. But you can never really figure out who you’re meeting until you meet thoshe guysh in real life. We all have a tendency to fill in the blanksh with what we want to see. Sho be careful not to project imagesh of your idealsh onto people you know nothing about. You might jusht end up hurting yourshelf. Take care of yourshelves - and each other. Now where’sh my fucking crack…