Goodbye My Lovers

I realized, just recently, that sex with my lovers never involved love. Regardless of how I felt for them emotionally, I could not love them during sex. Like my days in high school, sex was not something emotional but physical. I used the moment to try to fulfill my own needs and to find their faults. Typically, my lovers could not please me and I’d end up having to do the job myself. I began to wonder whether I had the lover purely for sex or for other reasons. And in doing so, I realized my own faults and the truth about what I really want: I only want him. He is my husband. No one can do me like he does. Only with him has sex been something emotional as well as physical. We make love and this emotion continues on in our daily lives. No wonder he drives me crazy. He knows all the right buttons to push, whether he’s trying to piss me off or get me off. None of them could do that. But I never gave them the chance anyway. Because obviously what I cut off during sex, I must have also cut off in the relationship. Intimacy is still a mystery to me, but I think I’m starting to learn.