Divine Forgiveness
We’re all congenitally dysfunctional. You probably don’t understand those big words so I’ll explain this way – you’re a bit fucked up. Yeah, you are, and don’t pretend you don’t know it. Everybody has their share of foibles, neuroses, psychoses and arsewittery.
I’m not talking about your genuine mistakes, by the way. The things you do by accident, on the off-chance, wondering where it came from. I know you do stupid shit all the time but I wouldn’t call it a lifelong defect. You’re just human. And thus, an odious little prat most of the time. Join the club.
I'm also not talking about ridiculously bad flaws, like wife-beating, cock-shearing, murder or not giving head. If you commit any of those then you must introduce a small piece of metal to your sinus cavities via a gunpowder-based delivery system.
What I’m talking about are long-term, repeated offences. The stuff you do all the time and can’t help it, no matter how many people tell you to sort it or how many points drop off your “fit to live” quotient each time you do it. Something in your personality. Attitude problems. Too clingy, too overt, obnoxious, shallow, unfaithful, insane, liking Jonathan Ross. You know who you are.
Obviously these “unavoidable” flaws can be overcome a lot of the time – but nobody’s going to be perfect. If you think you’re perfect then that’s your unavoidable flaw, QED. So now that I’ve finished telling you something you already knew – that you’re malfunctioning – what does this have to do with love?
I’ve seen and been out with people that are well into their forgiveness. And I, almost cataclysmically, fucking hate it. Though I’m not quite so freakish as you, dear reader, I do have plenty of ludicrously bad personality flaws. And I’m not a kid. They’re not going to get fixed in any sort of hurry. So I don’t want anybody’s fucking forgiveness for them; I want – as per the natures of the human condition and definitions of love – to be understood. And then to be dealt with, based on that understanding.
What do I mean? Let’s talk about Jesus fucking Christ for a second.
The late JC and his dad worked out some sort of morbidly fascinating, sadomasochistic deal through which they could forgive all mankind’s sins. This is not the same type of forgiveness that people usually dole out. It was divine forgiveness. When someone forgives you in a relationship, that typically means they think you’ve made a mistake and it’s not going to happen again. When god forgave mankind, he forgave everything, ever, that we would do wrong. So the real definition for what he did was that he understood we're a little fucked up and accepted this. Then laughed his sick ass off cos he’d made us this way.
[ Aside: Let me point out, as I always do after making a religious parallel, that I think all forms of religion are totally fabricated, anaesthetising, war-driving devices deployed by the real lords of humanity – but there’re some good stories in there. The power of stories, eh? Anyway… ]
Love requires that type of forgiveness - the divine type. Not the "don't worry, just don't be like that again" type of benevolent, pious fucking crap that people normally dish out. Not the ephemeral “forgive and forget” BS that lasts the seven days until the problem crops up again. If you're in love then a specific requirement of that is you understand the person you love, or at least have an overwhelming desire to try and understand. And then, if you can't live with it and nothing changes, get out. Anything else is some weird form of denial that there was ever an issue in the first place.
And listen – I’m in no way saying that, if you’re a personality train-wreck, you shouldn’t try and tackle your issues. You should. Or else all the people that love and understand you will deal with that complacency by telling you to fuck off. But what I am saying is: if someone says they love you, with all your flaws, then hope that they’re actually loving you and not some potential future of you without those flaws. The former is far more healing than the latter.
You flawed motherfucker.
[ CUE: God’s merciless laughter. ]
I’m not talking about your genuine mistakes, by the way. The things you do by accident, on the off-chance, wondering where it came from. I know you do stupid shit all the time but I wouldn’t call it a lifelong defect. You’re just human. And thus, an odious little prat most of the time. Join the club.
I'm also not talking about ridiculously bad flaws, like wife-beating, cock-shearing, murder or not giving head. If you commit any of those then you must introduce a small piece of metal to your sinus cavities via a gunpowder-based delivery system.
What I’m talking about are long-term, repeated offences. The stuff you do all the time and can’t help it, no matter how many people tell you to sort it or how many points drop off your “fit to live” quotient each time you do it. Something in your personality. Attitude problems. Too clingy, too overt, obnoxious, shallow, unfaithful, insane, liking Jonathan Ross. You know who you are.
Obviously these “unavoidable” flaws can be overcome a lot of the time – but nobody’s going to be perfect. If you think you’re perfect then that’s your unavoidable flaw, QED. So now that I’ve finished telling you something you already knew – that you’re malfunctioning – what does this have to do with love?
I’ve seen and been out with people that are well into their forgiveness. And I, almost cataclysmically, fucking hate it. Though I’m not quite so freakish as you, dear reader, I do have plenty of ludicrously bad personality flaws. And I’m not a kid. They’re not going to get fixed in any sort of hurry. So I don’t want anybody’s fucking forgiveness for them; I want – as per the natures of the human condition and definitions of love – to be understood. And then to be dealt with, based on that understanding.
What do I mean? Let’s talk about Jesus fucking Christ for a second.
The late JC and his dad worked out some sort of morbidly fascinating, sadomasochistic deal through which they could forgive all mankind’s sins. This is not the same type of forgiveness that people usually dole out. It was divine forgiveness. When someone forgives you in a relationship, that typically means they think you’ve made a mistake and it’s not going to happen again. When god forgave mankind, he forgave everything, ever, that we would do wrong. So the real definition for what he did was that he understood we're a little fucked up and accepted this. Then laughed his sick ass off cos he’d made us this way.
[ Aside: Let me point out, as I always do after making a religious parallel, that I think all forms of religion are totally fabricated, anaesthetising, war-driving devices deployed by the real lords of humanity – but there’re some good stories in there. The power of stories, eh? Anyway… ]
Love requires that type of forgiveness - the divine type. Not the "don't worry, just don't be like that again" type of benevolent, pious fucking crap that people normally dish out. Not the ephemeral “forgive and forget” BS that lasts the seven days until the problem crops up again. If you're in love then a specific requirement of that is you understand the person you love, or at least have an overwhelming desire to try and understand. And then, if you can't live with it and nothing changes, get out. Anything else is some weird form of denial that there was ever an issue in the first place.
And listen – I’m in no way saying that, if you’re a personality train-wreck, you shouldn’t try and tackle your issues. You should. Or else all the people that love and understand you will deal with that complacency by telling you to fuck off. But what I am saying is: if someone says they love you, with all your flaws, then hope that they’re actually loving you and not some potential future of you without those flaws. The former is far more healing than the latter.
You flawed motherfucker.
[ CUE: God’s merciless laughter. ]
posted by Juliet is Bleeding... | 7:57 pm
Astutely put. I am the recipient of that kind of love, I only wish I was able to give it in return. It's hard, so hard to do, accept someone warts and all.
I revel in my flaws. I'm so shallow I lie down in my skant personality in order to appear deep.
That's what sprung to mind on read this erudition spilled anyway.
In that case, I think you missed the point.
I think it's harder to accept the kind of love that is unconditional. It's much easier to love someone "warts & all" than it is to open yourself up to scrutiny and face the fact that someone can love you all in. Harder still when they go out of their way to not rub your nose in it, per se, but they ask what they can do to make it easier to put your self-motivated change into effect.
He'd never ask me outright to change. He loves me to much for that. Yet I think he secretly enjoys watching those changes because whether he asked or not, most of them have been prompted by him. By his seemingly endless patience with me and my dysfunctional BS.
Great post.
Love,
The Butterfly Temptress
Hi BT - thanks. You've pretty much nailed everything I was trying to say in ten times fewer words.