Hair, eyes, skin, face, coat, body.

At some point during this catalogue of fucked-up misery, I mentioned that I was pre-disposed to sluts rather than saints. In so doing, perhaps I've accidentally segmented myself into that oafish group of people that rank girls solely on how well-up-for-it they are for taking it up the ass.

Now, although that is an important factor to me, it's not a 'deal-breaker' by any means. In fact, most psychological facets of a girl aren't deal-breakers. They are too complex to measure out and define. To think you can categorise a set which you're looking for is folly. No, the psychological match game is best left by the wayside - if I gel with her mentally, that's all I need for a green light.

However, one day a psychologist asked me what I looked for in a girl. I immediately answered 'well, she has to take it up the ass', which he quickly brushed off, saying that he was more interested in the physical features I would look for. Interesting that a shrink would ask me that, but that's what happened.

So I told him,

"I have a hair fetish."
"What do you mean, a hair fetish?"
"A fetish, you know. I like nice hair. I really, really like good hair. Like, I turn my head at girls who have long, straight, shiny hair. I turn my head at blokes that have long, straight, shiny hair thinking they're a girl and am totally repulsed by myself when I realise they're a bloke. I literally drool over quality hair, I don't know why - my friends think I'm strange. In bed with a girl, I like to rub it on my-"
"Right, right... What else do you look for?"
"Apart from hair, everything else is quite minor really... Her eyes could be important, then her skin. I also like a pretty face. Her coat..."
"What?"
"Uhh, her coat is quite important to me."
"I see... Why's that?"
"I'm not sure, I just like girls that have nice coats."
"And then?"
"Well, you know, they've gotta have firm, round-"
"Okaaaay... This is interesting."
"What is, for Hades' sake?"
"I can explain the mystery behind why you like these things."
"Can you stop poncing on and tell me then?"
"You are a lot more interested in a girl's psychological make-up, than her physical appearance."
"Oh, for pity's sake..."
"No, it's true. You are more attracted to where they are mentally, than actual looks. Take your hair fetish, for instance. Girls aren't born with a certain type of hair. They can style it, change it, look after it, abuse it. When you take a fancy to a girl's hair, you are actually taking a fancy to what she thinks of herself, how much she cares about herself. Her 'inner beauty' as it were."
"Sounds like cobblers, but do go on..."
"The rest are pretty usual. The hair was the most interesting part."
"YO what about the coat?"
"Ah yes, the coat. I was a bit disturbed by the coat."
"Well, can you explain it or not?"
"Yes, yes I can."
"Then hit me with that crazy shit!"
"The coat is to do with the same things. Her inner feelings. Girls will try out lots of different clothes, different shoes, jewellery, make-up, whatever. But coats, generally, they only have a few of - owing to expense. So generally, when you see a girl's coat, they are wearing something they picked to go with most things they own. They spent more time picking it out then other things. More thought went into it. It's more to do with their true nature."
"Dude... It's just a coat!"
"Well, I am a shrink, and it's my job to see stupidly deep meanings in everything."

That actually happened and I honestly do rank physical traits in that order. Personally, I'm not sure whether to believe the shrink or not. Personally, I think I'm fucking insane.

And if I did believe him, then I'm back to square one. Psychological matching, based on physical manifestations of a girl's mind. Why can't I just like massive tits?

Peace out.

PS Before I get pulled up on it, I don't think of any of these things as hard-and-fast rules. They are just my general guidelines.