The Fuck Buddy
The more I speak to people about this subject, the more it hurts to realize what a good thing I had and let go.
My friend J. and I had known eachother for at least 5 years, our parents were friends and we had gone to school together. He was a few years my senior and until high school we hadn't really hung out together all that much.
J. approached me one day (at this point we had become pretty close friends) and asked if I thought we could take things further, no strings attatched.
He informed me that he thought I was sexy, but that seeing as we were such good friends, and that we had both just gotten out of serious relationships, he didn't want anything serious or committal.
I considered it. Perhaps this is where everyone I've spoken to has gone wrong. It would have been easy to jump into bed with him (very easy) but I didn't want things to go to shit just because we were both horn dogs..
Things started out slow, making out, some 2nd base action etc. but the funny thing was how blunt we both were with eachother. I remember him calling me one night, "Do you want to come over and make out?" No Hi, how are you? No, Wanna catch a movie? Just complete honest want.
This never changed, even after we began sleeping together. We could have nights of being friends and nights of being lovers, it was that simple. No feelings hurt, no expectations, no L-O-V-E crap.
This went on for almost 2 years.. until he left to go to school. We have remained close friends, but both went on to relationships with people (the kind with cuntish love *yack*)
For the life of me, I cannot figure out how this would ever be possible again... nor can I comprehend why I let it go so easily.
Perhaps it is a trait that we all share, giving up something that works flawlessly for a newer model, just because it's new...
Perhaps the beauty of it all was knowing it wouldn't last, not expecting it to, not grasping for the hope that he would love me the way I wanted, need me the way I needed etc. etc. as one does when in a 'relationship'.
I miss it now most likely because, as I see through others experiences, it was a wonderfully rare occurrence.
The thing is, I suppose, I wish I could find a 'relationship' that had those qualities: best friends & lovers.. nothing petty or childish or unfaithful. The brilliance of having someone be completely honest with you, as you are to them, second nature and all that.
To love and to be loved openly, honestly, easier said than done...what a cunt.
My friend J. and I had known eachother for at least 5 years, our parents were friends and we had gone to school together. He was a few years my senior and until high school we hadn't really hung out together all that much.
J. approached me one day (at this point we had become pretty close friends) and asked if I thought we could take things further, no strings attatched.
He informed me that he thought I was sexy, but that seeing as we were such good friends, and that we had both just gotten out of serious relationships, he didn't want anything serious or committal.
I considered it. Perhaps this is where everyone I've spoken to has gone wrong. It would have been easy to jump into bed with him (very easy) but I didn't want things to go to shit just because we were both horn dogs..
Things started out slow, making out, some 2nd base action etc. but the funny thing was how blunt we both were with eachother. I remember him calling me one night, "Do you want to come over and make out?" No Hi, how are you? No, Wanna catch a movie? Just complete honest want.
This never changed, even after we began sleeping together. We could have nights of being friends and nights of being lovers, it was that simple. No feelings hurt, no expectations, no L-O-V-E crap.
This went on for almost 2 years.. until he left to go to school. We have remained close friends, but both went on to relationships with people (the kind with cuntish love *yack*)
For the life of me, I cannot figure out how this would ever be possible again... nor can I comprehend why I let it go so easily.
Perhaps it is a trait that we all share, giving up something that works flawlessly for a newer model, just because it's new...
Perhaps the beauty of it all was knowing it wouldn't last, not expecting it to, not grasping for the hope that he would love me the way I wanted, need me the way I needed etc. etc. as one does when in a 'relationship'.
I miss it now most likely because, as I see through others experiences, it was a wonderfully rare occurrence.
The thing is, I suppose, I wish I could find a 'relationship' that had those qualities: best friends & lovers.. nothing petty or childish or unfaithful. The brilliance of having someone be completely honest with you, as you are to them, second nature and all that.
To love and to be loved openly, honestly, easier said than done...what a cunt.
posted by Anonymous | 9:35 am
"The thing is, I suppose, I wish I could find a 'relationship' that had those qualities: best friends & lovers..."
For me, those are the two things that are sufficient for me to fall in love. A best friend that I sleep with. Which is - ultimately - why I can never have a real fuck buddy.
If you had such a relationship that worked and now that's gone, then that's a shame. But I bet one of you would have fallen for the other, given even more time, forcing the whole thing to belly-up into the Styx. It's always the way...
I know you probably don't want to hear this but maybe love is giving yourself away to another person and allowing them to give themself unselfishly to you. Perhaps love is more than body parts and verbs. Perhaps love could be a noun like commitment.
I wonder if it is possible that love could be enjoying the creator's creation - doing things his way according to his rules? I wonder if its possible that anything short of this ideal is not love?
Hang on, how did the whacky Christian get in here?
"I wonder if it is possible that love could be enjoying the creator's creation - doing things his way according to his rules? I wonder if its possible that anything short of this ideal is not love?"
What does that even mean?