This mess we're in.
Oh my. Oh my my my. I'm in serious trouble. That's all I can think right now.
As detailed in the "Down with gravity" post from last week, Joe and I hit a rough patch re: Susan, his recent ex. We had our talk and it seemed that the odd feelings we'd both been having dissipated.
Of course, we did not stick very well to our plan, at least the "no sex" part of it. I'm beginning to think that was the most important part.
He came over last night and I made him dinner. It was an ambitious recipe and I kind of screwed it up, but we laughed at my semi-failure and ate it anyway as we watched St. Elmo's Fire, likely one of the more atrocious cinematic offerings of the 80s. We went to bed afterwards, and of course we had sex.
This wasn't your run-of-the-mill weeknight sex, though. It was beyond amazing. We held each other and cried afterwards. It was all I could do not to blurt out what's been welling up in me over the last week or two - that I love him. Officially and without question.
This morning I was full of happiness, even when presented with this new conundrum: "When should I tell him?" I lazed around (today's my day off) with a sleepy half-smile, pondering the hows and whys and what I would say. I thought about writing a post here to seek the advice of you, my cunty compatriots. A delirious and yet honestly questioning post. After all, Joe is the first guy I've ever even considered saying this to, and I have no doubt in my mind that it is true.
And then, of course, I get an email titled "Weirdness afoot." After a brief email exchange with Susan today, he strongly suspects that she is pregnant by her new boyfriend. Of course, in true Susan fashion, she kicked things off with, "I have experienced a life-changing event," followed by subtle hints at her condition. When Joe responded with, "What, are you pregnant or something?" she replied saying, "I didn't want to tell you over email. Call me after work and let's talk."
Joe, in an email to me, expressed his concern. "I don't feel that weird about it, but poor Susan. She has so much going on right now and now this. I can't wait for work to be over so I can call her."
This sent me off on a choking, gasping crying jag. You know that kind of cry. It's the cry that you never show anyone else. That "lock me in the bedroom and give me a pillow to shred" full-on bawl.
FUCK. SUSAN.
I'm still trying to sort this all out in my head, but I guess the reason I got so upset was because I'm realizing, once again, that I'm probably in over my head here. My feelings for him are most likely far stronger than what he feels for me. It's not that he will never return my sentiments, but he simply can't right now after his breakup in January.
And I think it's eating me up. I don't know if I can go on feeling this way and not tell him. You know, a little FYI. "Joe, I love you...just sayin'."
It would feel wonderful to get it off my chest, but if he doesn't feel the same way I won't know what to do. Seems that the logical answer would be for us to break up, at least until he gets his head out of Susan's vagina. I just don't know if that would fix things eventually, or if it would be the end of everything. I can't really deal with it being the end right now, but I'm wondering if maybe that would be the best thing for me. I can't keep feeling like this every time Susan pops her stupid blonde head up with another crisis that requires Joe's attention. I mean, when will it end? If she has the child, is she going to be hitting up Joe for babysitting? Do we live in a goddamn trailer park here?
No, the best thing for me to do would be to hunt Susan down, give her some gas money, and tell her to take her fat, knocked-up ass as far away as possible so Joe can get on with his life. With me.
As detailed in the "Down with gravity" post from last week, Joe and I hit a rough patch re: Susan, his recent ex. We had our talk and it seemed that the odd feelings we'd both been having dissipated.
Of course, we did not stick very well to our plan, at least the "no sex" part of it. I'm beginning to think that was the most important part.
He came over last night and I made him dinner. It was an ambitious recipe and I kind of screwed it up, but we laughed at my semi-failure and ate it anyway as we watched St. Elmo's Fire, likely one of the more atrocious cinematic offerings of the 80s. We went to bed afterwards, and of course we had sex.
This wasn't your run-of-the-mill weeknight sex, though. It was beyond amazing. We held each other and cried afterwards. It was all I could do not to blurt out what's been welling up in me over the last week or two - that I love him. Officially and without question.
This morning I was full of happiness, even when presented with this new conundrum: "When should I tell him?" I lazed around (today's my day off) with a sleepy half-smile, pondering the hows and whys and what I would say. I thought about writing a post here to seek the advice of you, my cunty compatriots. A delirious and yet honestly questioning post. After all, Joe is the first guy I've ever even considered saying this to, and I have no doubt in my mind that it is true.
And then, of course, I get an email titled "Weirdness afoot." After a brief email exchange with Susan today, he strongly suspects that she is pregnant by her new boyfriend. Of course, in true Susan fashion, she kicked things off with, "I have experienced a life-changing event," followed by subtle hints at her condition. When Joe responded with, "What, are you pregnant or something?" she replied saying, "I didn't want to tell you over email. Call me after work and let's talk."
Joe, in an email to me, expressed his concern. "I don't feel that weird about it, but poor Susan. She has so much going on right now and now this. I can't wait for work to be over so I can call her."
This sent me off on a choking, gasping crying jag. You know that kind of cry. It's the cry that you never show anyone else. That "lock me in the bedroom and give me a pillow to shred" full-on bawl.
FUCK. SUSAN.
I'm still trying to sort this all out in my head, but I guess the reason I got so upset was because I'm realizing, once again, that I'm probably in over my head here. My feelings for him are most likely far stronger than what he feels for me. It's not that he will never return my sentiments, but he simply can't right now after his breakup in January.
And I think it's eating me up. I don't know if I can go on feeling this way and not tell him. You know, a little FYI. "Joe, I love you...just sayin'."
It would feel wonderful to get it off my chest, but if he doesn't feel the same way I won't know what to do. Seems that the logical answer would be for us to break up, at least until he gets his head out of Susan's vagina. I just don't know if that would fix things eventually, or if it would be the end of everything. I can't really deal with it being the end right now, but I'm wondering if maybe that would be the best thing for me. I can't keep feeling like this every time Susan pops her stupid blonde head up with another crisis that requires Joe's attention. I mean, when will it end? If she has the child, is she going to be hitting up Joe for babysitting? Do we live in a goddamn trailer park here?
No, the best thing for me to do would be to hunt Susan down, give her some gas money, and tell her to take her fat, knocked-up ass as far away as possible so Joe can get on with his life. With me.
posted by Kathleen | 10:17 pm
Exes have a habit of cropping up. You can dwell on the situation, or choose to ignore it. I would strongly recommend the latter option.
It is rough when a man refuses to let go of his ex, but at this point that's the best thing he could do for himself.
Hrm.
i. It's *brilliant* that the bint got herself knocked up in such a short space of time - I can't particularly think of a better closure on a relationship than that.
ii. I think it's perfectly reasonable for Joe to care about his ex getting pregnant. It's quite a massive deal, and he probably does want to help her out. I would say let him do that - if he goes back to her full-on whilst she's carrying a fucked up hybrid of her and some random's genetically sub-normal sputum, then I would be extremely surprised.
iii. No matter how hard it is, never tell people you love them at the wrong time. Surefire apocalypse.
iv. The dude is breaking the rules he thought he should logically set down for your relationship. That means he's being illogical = has strong feelings for you = good, keep at it.
v. Don't fuck it up!
vi. All of the above.
*sigh*
i couldn't agree more with your first sentiment, jib. especially considering the ensuing details, which joe informed me of last night...
-she got pregnant because she and the new bf had been having unprotected sex without any form of contraception ever since they started dating.
-she doesn't even know for sure if the new bf is "clean" or not.
-she's terminating the pregnancy.
so susan got herself knocked up in the MOST RETARDED way possible. i mean, honestly - this woman is 29 years old and in school to become a nurse. what an IDIOT.
so, yes. susan has revealed herself to be rather a wackjob. which he probably knew already, but i'm dumbfounded by it. moron.
***
i'll keep the "love ya" card to myself for now.
***
"don't fuck it up" has pretty much been our mantra for the relationship.
***
and illegally blonde, i'm going to try to go with that option. when he brings up susan i'm going to nod politely and respond with "hm"s and "oh really"s. and then i'll change the subject.
i can't keep it inside any longer: i love you guys. ;)
and no, didums...joe isn't really a man's man. he's your run-of-the-mill, glasses-wearing, music-loving geekatroid. the one who got beat up by the man's men in high school.
i mean, he's seen the new star wars twice already and can't wait for me to watch "attack of the clones" so i can come see it with him. *insert eye-roll here*